not writing for the sake of writing

Monday, January 01, 2007

我好想好想飞！逃离这个疯狂世界！那么多苦那么多泪！那么多莫名的伤悲！

That was the day I posted the clip the Pandas posted on Youtube onto my blog.
While coursing through my previous postings, I had unintentionally come across it again.
Songs have always played a special part in my life, as in so many other people's too. You attach memories and meanings to songs that a diary or a notebook cannot contain. Researchers have always mused upon the significance of music and how they manage to inspire, sadden, liven and bring you to a high all at the same time. Is there a biological explanation? Of course I am not interested to know, what I do know is that the above mentioned song is a serenade of some of the special friendships I have forged in less than a year.

It is one of the two songs that hold special meaning for me. We sing it in China, we sing it at Katong and heck, we even sing it when we are separated and by ourselves. Guess what is playing at pandablog? If there is ever a slow melancholy version and I know there is, I might just want it played at my last moments. Together with the other song.
那怕用一生去追，我又怎么能追得回....
It was during the last few months of 1995 that the song took an extra significance in my life.

I had checked that I started my blog in 2004. Somewhere when I was still in the army and there was a computer in my medical center. There were some events from 2001 onwards which I really think should have been recorded. They say wounds may heal but the scars remain. Did they? Does that mean scars matter? Does it still hurt? I would say new adventures bring almost complete closure, an unfortunate parting of ways mean seem like a terrible deep wound but it can still leave you as good as new. This is not the first time I am being cryptic and certainly wouldn't be the last. Who reads this junk anyway? Here I go again..

So today I did not go to school again. I was at Bishan. Waiting for my tuition and I sat at J8 for a good part of 2 hours. I was trying to read my notes, my notes on gram positive rods, those that like oxygen and those that shun it. I saw plenty of RI boys and I wonder if kids nowadays are getting scrawnier or I am just getting more massive? I certainly do not remember people being pint sized during my time. Certainly I had plenty of moments of life still left in J8.

The first time I went to Bishan with my mum, when the MRT just started to operate.
Next I could remember was going to RI to get my uniforms and decide I want to continue with higher chinese.
As an RI boy I spent a good part of my time there. My first CD I bought with my best friend TYY, when I was in secondary1. There was a music junction on the cinema floor, now stands a God's merchandise shop in its stead.
There was a Times' bookshop on the 3rd level just in front of the escalator. Often after my trainings on saturdays and after school I would be caught loitering in there.
I fell asleep watching Jurassic Park 2 after training camp at J8 too.
When I was a boarder at Bayley House, I used to shop at Daimaru which of course no longer exists. My cup noodles and drinks and stuff.
One of my few midnight shows was there. It was a night we spent at Chinsiang's two bungalows. We had caught the last train to AMK from Bishan. I had forgotten the show we watched. We were to report for our leisure camp the next day, and we came up with a totally dumb play at his house. But I throughly enjoyed it.
My first horror show with my JC friends was there as well.
I love bringing food into the cinemas. Something I enjoy doing with Anand around. Cant explain why I suddenly wrote that. Just felt like doing so.
After orientation, I brought my group to J8 for supper.
I watched Xmen with KT there and attempted to walk home from Bishan. Finally I gave up at AMK and took a cab.
I watched Love Actually with Al, XY and La there.
I experienced betrayal there as well.
I watched more movies with V there.
I took a neoprint with Class 20 one public holiday there. I received also a puma shirt as birthday present.
After famine camp, Saya and gang celebrated my birthday at the grass patch besides J8. EUgene was missing but Chuantin turned up. Elvin attempted to empty a bag of flour onto me but opened it the wrong way. Martini was there somewhere but we did not see her. Until the last moments.
I celebrated WT's birthday there last year. There was a Kim San Soon pig involved somewhere. A big box which was filled to the brim with tidbits and a nice dinner at Sakae.


Today when I saw the RI boys, I realized how carefree I had been. It is the same happiness and freedom in their eyes that I identified with. School ends early,( talking about which Dr Mark just invited us to join him in his night rounds tomorrow), I had plenty of time for myself. There is just homework to do. Now I have projects and leadership roles. Not to mention an $18000 examination. This is growing up. Actually this is not really growing up, I am past that age. It is just wondrous to note how different I have become. In terms of the things I do now and how I feel about life. Some things do not change easily though. And I know what they are.