In a beat of the heart

nothing could aptly describe. no one can rightly challenge. no soul could seemly defy. welcome to my world. where i make the rules and you stick by them.

About Me

Standing by, All the way. Here to help you through your day. Holding you up, When you are weak, Helping you find what it is you seek. Catching your tears, When you cry. Pulling you through when the tide is high. Absorbing your voice When you talk. Standing by when you learn to walk. Just being there, Through thick and thin, All just to say, you are my friend.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

A new beginning

It has been over a year since I last blogged. Life has been good to me.

Let us talk about Chelsea. The season that gone by saw them win a historic double with Ancelotti having been in his first season abroad. The team was impressive in scoring over 100 goals and defeating the rest of the top 4 while also won against Tottenham, the 4th place incumbent, at Stamford bridge.

I have always not believed that Juliano Belleti is a quality or versatile player. His sending off during the Manchester City game further depletes any remaining store of confidence I have in him. So he is leaving us for Brazil is only good news to me. That would free up a space in Midfield to bring in some quality replacement.

What I did not expect was to release Ballack and Joe Cole when both players are willing to continue to the Bridge albeit for a huge cost. Ballack's leadership and tactical nous are qualities which endear him to me.

Yet the fact that he has ended up more than 13 times on the losing finalist side shows something is missing from his game. Also he was directly in front of Iniesta during last season's champions league when Iniesta took that ill-fated swing to land the ball into Petr Cech's goal. Ballack ducked instead of rushing to close him down.

Joe Cole did not recover his form of Mourinho's second season and has paid the price for living on reputation gone by. Perhaps the next casualty of the cull from the club would be Deco. Even at the world cup he is a pale imitation of his Barcelona persona. So at 33 years old, his departure will allow Chelsea to either bring in worldclass players or exciting young talents.

Let us review the team and the formation that Chelsea deploys. With that and the list of existing personnels we can then decide what players are needed for the coming season to launch another assault at the Champions League trophy.

We play a 4-3-3 , or a 4-1-2-2-1 or 4-5-1. So 4 defenders with one holding midfielder and a target man is absolutely important. Also we play better when our wingers are on fire and can drag opposition wide to create space for Lamps and Drogba.

In goal we have Cech, Turnbull and Hilario. Adequate cover provided that Hilario stop impersonating clowns during games against Man City.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Good night. Last entry.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

shit stupid suggestion stupid..
dont ask from her. She cannot give means cannot give.. can give me love and concern just like in the past.. she would have done so. to do so now is just out of pity. I am rambling again.
why do people read my blog.. and then come and say i am emotional. or rather become concern and ask me whats wrong. is not everything clearly explained here.

yah if i ask her to show more concern now.. to be normal like few years ago .. then what if everythign goes pear shaped after exams. shit shit shit cannot cannot . keep it quiet. shall dismantle this blog soon so no one can see inside my soul. pls. this sounds really incoherent.
so unlike me. people will think i have lost it.

no good can come out of it. must act normal. must be like everyone else. mask my emotions. when i talk, look at people in the eye. smile when the jokes are shared and show concern for their problems. eat properly. tell them i sleep at 10pm and wake at 7 am. I am normal and not getting schizophrenic.

two more weeks

Today was a good day. This week was a good week. Because I did not press her too much. Because I did not give her much stress. I know now that she is working so she would not have time to check my blog and I do not want her to know how much I need her.

Anyway it feels good to be around her. It feels as good to be around pandas. Going to East Coast cycling feels good also. If she needs space and time, 1 year 2 years i will give them to her. 10 years, my heart will be still be hers. But this is really quite a bad time to not love me. haha How about never ? But of coz i need to understand her and give her what she needs. But maybe two more weeks of concern to ask from her? Two more weeks of normality? haha just to help me last through this period? No.. I am scared to ask from her because that will give her more pressure and drive her further away.

Nevermind about that. Shall perservere. Shall be patient. Shall endure the bad feelings and emotions and concentrate on the good memories. Shalll drive away the fear. Most importantly shall concentrate on my books. Although it is not working, but I will try. I hope no one reads this post because I do not wish for any one to be overduly concerned.

Anyway yah, hope to be able to sleep well today. Maybe at 4 or 5am. There are two nice songs which I will just listen to over and over again.



Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Email KDK a picture of any old KDK fan, together with your name and contact number.Pix selected will win a brand new KDK fan model P30KH.
Target Email: Header: Pic Of The Month ContestRequired Particulars: Name & Contact Number
remember to join
Step 1: Simply write a blog post on “The things I want to do with my family!” (It can be activities you want to do with your members that they never took an interest in or no time for!)
Step 2: Sign off with, “Start planning for your own Family Day Out on 30 May 2009! Visit!”
Step 3: Submit your permalink to, with your full name and contact details.

Ok let me remind myself to join this when i have the time.

anyway I hope to give her time.. and space..
i feel very lost without the usual "love love" and "dear" and "muackz" in my phone...
will they ever come back?
what will be will be..
easier said then done...

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Let me try to sleep.

At 6.51am, I still cannot sleep. The moment I lie down in bed, my heart will hurt while my head goes into overdrive. I am tempted to use alcohol to relieve my consciousness. But then again, I do not have any handy bottles around. The ones I have at home are large 1liter bottles or expensive XO and VSOPs. Perhaps I can get some dormicum from the school doctor. Nah, I will not really do that.

Now another thought,, since if we can be good friends, why not tell me what is going on in your mind? What do the words on FB mean? Do they apply to me? To you? or to another person? Afterall, we write on FB wall, it is just another way to convey a message to someone. Who is it?

I have a tuition at 11am later. I need the sleep. Today I have to study many systems. Breasts, urinary tract, reproductive system and so on. For monday's tutorial. What do I do now at 7am? ok... I am just writing down what is on my mind.

I remember telling xiaoyun before, if i am the guy you love, everything I give you or do for you would be meaningful for you. If not, they are just nothing. Eventually if you do not love me, your happiness will matter more than my happiness to you.

I guess I should just postpone my tuition.