22nd Of August. It is her birthday today. I had almost forgotten. I had promised to spend it with her. She had promised too, albeit reluctantly. In fact I had almost forgetten it many times. Put it another way, i am running away from the fact that I remember it too many times for comfort. I had forgotten her telephone numbers, forgotten her address and maybe her voice. Pray she does not call me. More than once on the streets, I had seen her. Almost too often to be uncanny. I did not notice who was beside her al these time. I had not bothered.
Even since the day I saw her holding hands with this guy, I did not bother to keep her in memory anymore.
Had I forgotten her too fast? I do not know the answer to this. Because I had thought I had loved her deeply enough. Maybe pain will help one forget faster. haha I do not know. I do noe that I have very successful ways of coping with failures. With heartaches. perhaps. At that moment my world almost collapsed onto me.When I saw something that I thought could only happen in a nightmare. It just became real and presented itself larger than life in front of me. My heart was being taken away from me, stepped onto.. crushed.. stomped on and rolled over. I almost thought I couldnt sleep that night. Not wanting to go home to face the four walls and nags of my parents, I chose to seek solace in the solitary Bishan Park. After a few rounds that made my shirt cling onto my back with sweat, and many attempts at phonecalls to seek refuge in the voices of friends. I calmed down and started to see the brighter side of things.
Perhaps what was not meant to be was never meant to be. I had not intepreted wrongly the signals. But nature of man or i should say women is fickle. But i was no victim. Perhaps wheni was madly in it, i was a victim, but not now. Not after my heart was torn into a million pieces, i was not going to let my spirit end the same way. I was much bigger than that.
I slept peacefully that night, despite waking up with the same grippling disbelief. That somehow my life has been drastically altered. For bad or good unknown to me. BUt someone has been taken out of my life and I shall not seek any attempt to bring that person back in.
I had not sent any congratulatory messages or birthday wishes to her. Neither did she., I guess it doesnt matter anymore. Yes it is just a guess and just a thought. It is fine. My love shall be deposited at a safe till it has healed from this experience. Pin number 965 melts in your mouth not in your hands.
Sunday, August 22, 2004
Prime Minister Lee and table Tennis Player Li
What does that Prime Minister Lee know about losing and why does he know about being happy or not being sad? He said do not be sad to Lee Jia Wei. To someone who has just lost her dreams , years of efforts had just vanished in one moment. To her, it was adding insult to injury as she lost two games in a row. For an athlete, i guess in order to excel, you must do it more for yourself than for any other purposes. Because it is only this love for oneself. this desire to be the best that drives one on relentlessly. She had wanted to be the first , to be the best so she can proudly say to the world that she has won. And the rest of Singapore will say yes she had won it for us. Different people have different causes to be sad, that was one particular moment that was most saddenly for Li. It is inevitable. Unless she had planned to lose. Unless she does not wish to be at that spot, to be the focus of at least Singapore, if not the world. Yes she can always try again, she can always train harder. So can the rest, so can the world champion. One chance gone is one chance gone. Lets not talk about whether she can improve or she will succeed in her next attempt. What hurts most is this loss, this moment that defined a moment in her life that she did not measure up, to another whom she felt perfectly capable of overcoming. Some people might just try and never get the chance. They may be good, but they just constantly run into people who are better. Some might just simply be lousy. Either, losing in both situations gives enough cause to shed those tears. So i shall say, just cry and have nightmares becoz I know you tried very hard, I know she wanted it so badly that she had bled and sweated. And at the end, when the tears dried and nightmares stopped , she will become a stronger person, ready for another four years of living out her dreams. she has undergone unimaginable condition and training, of enduring pain normal people will not bear to even think about. And all this with not a single medal to show for. Yes her spirit is indomitable, she is now a goddess in our eyes. But to her , she trained and she put in effort not for our worship, but for that place in history, History of the world. Of her own world, where table tennis reigns. Not in a nation where we just wish to produce Olympic medallist s that we may tel l the world, our microscopic nation can produce people who are best in the world. Not in a nation where we educate our youth to become entreprenuers and doctors and scientists so that we may eearn enough money to import foreign talents to win the medals for us. So please cry. And May God bless you. May you truly be the one worthy of the Ultimate medallion.
Prime Minister Lee and table Tennis Player Li
What does that Prime Minister Lee know about losing and why does he know about being happy or not being sad? He said do not be sad to Lee Jia Wei. To someone who has just lost her dreams , years of efforts had just vanished in one moment. To her, it was adding insult to injury as she lost two games in a row. For an athlete, i guess in order to excel, you must do it more for yourself than for any other purposes. Because it is only this love for oneself. this desire to be the best that drives one on relentlessly. She had wanted to be the first , to be the best so she can proudly say to the world that she has won. And the rest of Singapore will say yes she had won it for us. Different people have different causes to be sad, that was one particular moment that was most saddenly for Li. It is inevitable. Unless she had planned to lose. Unless she does not wish to be at that spot, to be the focus of at least Singapore, if not the world. Yes she can always try again, she can always train harder. So can the rest, so can the world champion. One chance gone is one chance gone. Lets not talk about whether she can improve or she will succeed in her next attempt. What hurts most is this loss, this moment that defined a moment in her life that she did not measure up, to another whom she felt perfectly capable of overcoming. Some people might just try and never get the chance. They may be good, but they just constantly run into people who are better. Some might just simply be lousy. Either, losing in both situations gives enough cause to shed those tears. So i shall say, just cry and have nightmares becoz I know you tried very hard, I know she wanted it so badly that she had bled and sweated. And at the end, when the tears dried and nightmares stopped , she will become a stronger person, ready for another four years of living out her dreams. she has undergone unimaginable condition and training, of enduring pain normal people will not bear to even think about. And all this with not a single medal to show for. Yes her spirit is indomitable, she is now a goddess in our eyes. But to her , she trained and she put in effort not for our worship, but for that place in history, History of the world. Of her own world, where table tennis reigns. Not in a nation where we just wish to produce Olympic medallist s that we may tel l the world, our microscopic nation can produce people who are best in the world. Not in a nation where we educate our youth to become entreprenuers and doctors and scientists so that we may eearn enough money to import foreign talents to win the medals for us. So please cry. And May God bless you. May you truly be the one worthy of the Ultimate medallion.
I as Spokesperson shall bring glory and fame ....
OK Since I am so Handsome, Muscular, Talented and Intelligent, I shall Become the Spokesperson for This Promote East Coast PErson! I was approached by the Chairperson of this committee that was set up most recently to bring East Coast onto the World's Most Impactful Culinary Map. Hosted by an equally important and colorful character.. namely myself, I was convinced instantly by the articulated and convincing and charismatic Chairperson.
Since the committee consist of 1 person, with a multi tasked responsibility, much leadership and initiative are required. No worries as I shall see to it personally that this event is a success! Why did I choose East Coast?What other better place than the one I grew up in. That whole place is filled with delicacies brought in from all corners of the world. Not to miss out the babes that run amok on the pavements of east coast park. Those mid rift revealing babes on rollerblades or skates or bicycles. With those slenderous legs drawing attention from the most innocent bystander.
I shall seek to represent what East Coast stands for. It bestowed that wonderfully golden tan to me. I shall return in kind. I shall bring in more people to restore the glow to East Coast,
I had claypot rice last week. Oh how wonderful, how delicious. my tastebuds were brought alive. they were dancing with the passion of desire. Sending dopamine and enpheprines to my brain, neerve calls were firing at will. Crispy and oozing with this sweetness as you put it into your mouth, it was transcending into heaven!
I am sure the whole place is full of crouching tibits and hidden delicacies. The next 3persons to write me a testimonial shall be rewarded with a whole day tour of east coast plus food expenses covered!
What does that Prime Minister Lee know about losing and why does he know about being happy or not being sad? He said do not be sad to Lee Jia Wei. To someone who has just lost her dreams , years of efforts had just vanished in one moment. To her, it was adding insult to injury as she lost two games in a row. For an athlete, i guess in order to excel, you must do it more for yourself than for any other purposes. Because it is only this love for oneself. this desire to be the best that drives one on relentlessly. She had wanted to be the first , to be the best so she can proudly say to the world that she has won. And the rest of Singapore will say yes she had won it for us. Different people have different causes to be sad, that was one particular moment that was most saddenly for Li. It is inevitable. Unless she had planned to lose. Unless she does not wish to be at that spot, to be the focus of at least Singapore, if not the world. Yes she can always try again, she can always train harder. So can the rest, so can the world champion. One chance gone is one chance gone. Lets not talk about whether she can improve or she will succeed in her next attempt. What hurts most is this loss, this moment that defined a moment in her life that she did not measure up, to another whom she felt perfectly capable of overcoming. Some people might just try and never get the chance. They may be good, but they just constantly run into people who are better. Some might just simply be lousy. Either, losing in both situations gives enough cause to shed those tears. So i shall say, just cry and have nightmares becoz I know you tried very hard, I know she wanted it so badly that she had bled and sweated. And at the end, when the tears dried and nightmares stopped , she will become a stronger person, ready for another four years of living out her dreams. she has undergone unimaginable condition and training, of enduring pain normal people will not bear to even think about. And all this with not a single medal to show for. Yes her spirit is indomitable, she is now a goddess in our eyes. But to her , she trained and she put in effort not for our worship, but for that place in history, History of the world. Of her own world, where table tennis reigns. Not in a nation where we just wish to produce Olympic medallist s that we may tel l the world, our microscopic nation can produce people who are best in the world. Not in a nation where we educate our youth to become entreprenuers and doctors and scientists so that we may eearn enough money to import foreign talents to win the medals for us. So please cry. And May God bless you. May you truly be the one worthy of the Ultimate medallion.
Since the committee consist of 1 person, with a multi tasked responsibility, much leadership and initiative are required. No worries as I shall see to it personally that this event is a success! Why did I choose East Coast?What other better place than the one I grew up in. That whole place is filled with delicacies brought in from all corners of the world. Not to miss out the babes that run amok on the pavements of east coast park. Those mid rift revealing babes on rollerblades or skates or bicycles. With those slenderous legs drawing attention from the most innocent bystander.
I shall seek to represent what East Coast stands for. It bestowed that wonderfully golden tan to me. I shall return in kind. I shall bring in more people to restore the glow to East Coast,
I had claypot rice last week. Oh how wonderful, how delicious. my tastebuds were brought alive. they were dancing with the passion of desire. Sending dopamine and enpheprines to my brain, neerve calls were firing at will. Crispy and oozing with this sweetness as you put it into your mouth, it was transcending into heaven!
I am sure the whole place is full of crouching tibits and hidden delicacies. The next 3persons to write me a testimonial shall be rewarded with a whole day tour of east coast plus food expenses covered!
What does that Prime Minister Lee know about losing and why does he know about being happy or not being sad? He said do not be sad to Lee Jia Wei. To someone who has just lost her dreams , years of efforts had just vanished in one moment. To her, it was adding insult to injury as she lost two games in a row. For an athlete, i guess in order to excel, you must do it more for yourself than for any other purposes. Because it is only this love for oneself. this desire to be the best that drives one on relentlessly. She had wanted to be the first , to be the best so she can proudly say to the world that she has won. And the rest of Singapore will say yes she had won it for us. Different people have different causes to be sad, that was one particular moment that was most saddenly for Li. It is inevitable. Unless she had planned to lose. Unless she does not wish to be at that spot, to be the focus of at least Singapore, if not the world. Yes she can always try again, she can always train harder. So can the rest, so can the world champion. One chance gone is one chance gone. Lets not talk about whether she can improve or she will succeed in her next attempt. What hurts most is this loss, this moment that defined a moment in her life that she did not measure up, to another whom she felt perfectly capable of overcoming. Some people might just try and never get the chance. They may be good, but they just constantly run into people who are better. Some might just simply be lousy. Either, losing in both situations gives enough cause to shed those tears. So i shall say, just cry and have nightmares becoz I know you tried very hard, I know she wanted it so badly that she had bled and sweated. And at the end, when the tears dried and nightmares stopped , she will become a stronger person, ready for another four years of living out her dreams. she has undergone unimaginable condition and training, of enduring pain normal people will not bear to even think about. And all this with not a single medal to show for. Yes her spirit is indomitable, she is now a goddess in our eyes. But to her , she trained and she put in effort not for our worship, but for that place in history, History of the world. Of her own world, where table tennis reigns. Not in a nation where we just wish to produce Olympic medallist s that we may tel l the world, our microscopic nation can produce people who are best in the world. Not in a nation where we educate our youth to become entreprenuers and doctors and scientists so that we may eearn enough money to import foreign talents to win the medals for us. So please cry. And May God bless you. May you truly be the one worthy of the Ultimate medallion.
Saturday, August 21, 2004
Burning under the Sun
So I began my day under the sun. I have just found or discovered paradise. This place which I knew so well. I had left it behind, almost forgotten about it. Yet just before I left this heaven-on-earth, I had sworn to return one day to the breeze to the trees and the sea. Indeed I was feeling an unusual calm and peace when I had my foot on the sands of East Coast Park again in 2001. Yah the place I had grown up in. Even then as I enjoyed the tranquility and beauty, I did not realise that it is a heaven. I had been looking at nature. Little did I notice that heaven is actually possibly man-made.
Last week I opened my eyes to the wonders lying along and around east coast, when all the while I had passed them obliviously sad to say.
Yah so it happened last week, a particular evening. I was on my way to Yijun's place for tuition. Somewhere in Siglap. Normally I would have been lazy enough to take the bus that delivers me directly to her neighbor's doorsteps. I decided somehow after missing my stop as no one roused me from my slumber. I am always falling into slumbers while on buses. Once I had even taken a bus to Tampines when I had intended to head straight home. Muttering something intelligent in French after waking up with a jolt. This disbelief that I missed my bus stop again. This disbelief that I have to walk something like 2 kilometer because I had chosen to stay in dream land for 2 minutes longer. Then as the dominant and arrogant male that I was, I decided to take a walk to Siglap, with just a faint idea where to head for.. Infact I had miscalculated the direction but maybe I was just destined to find paradise. I walked and walked. Then the first of the thousands of shops came into view. Not only did the walk open my eyes, it opened my nose and salivary gland as well. Shops selling all types of food, chinese cooked food, traditional. malay food, western dishes, french cuisine, you name it . Had I not been familiar with that area, Had there been no road signs, I would have gladly believed that my cord was pulled. HE had summoned me to his palace on the other edge of eternity. This had to be it. Tiltillating fragrances snuck up quietly to my nostrils, invaded my head and made straight for my head and my heart. I was captivated, entranced and estactic...
To be continued........
Last week I opened my eyes to the wonders lying along and around east coast, when all the while I had passed them obliviously sad to say.
Yah so it happened last week, a particular evening. I was on my way to Yijun's place for tuition. Somewhere in Siglap. Normally I would have been lazy enough to take the bus that delivers me directly to her neighbor's doorsteps. I decided somehow after missing my stop as no one roused me from my slumber. I am always falling into slumbers while on buses. Once I had even taken a bus to Tampines when I had intended to head straight home. Muttering something intelligent in French after waking up with a jolt. This disbelief that I missed my bus stop again. This disbelief that I have to walk something like 2 kilometer because I had chosen to stay in dream land for 2 minutes longer. Then as the dominant and arrogant male that I was, I decided to take a walk to Siglap, with just a faint idea where to head for.. Infact I had miscalculated the direction but maybe I was just destined to find paradise. I walked and walked. Then the first of the thousands of shops came into view. Not only did the walk open my eyes, it opened my nose and salivary gland as well. Shops selling all types of food, chinese cooked food, traditional. malay food, western dishes, french cuisine, you name it . Had I not been familiar with that area, Had there been no road signs, I would have gladly believed that my cord was pulled. HE had summoned me to his palace on the other edge of eternity. This had to be it. Tiltillating fragrances snuck up quietly to my nostrils, invaded my head and made straight for my head and my heart. I was captivated, entranced and estactic...
To be continued........
Wednesday, August 11, 2004
A love song
Its been a while since we enjoyed the breeze of the night
As we stared at the lights of the city below the mountains
You say happiness and freedom
is the blessings of the poor.
And you cant imagine how I much like that idea.
As I ask you to close your eyes
and use your imagination,
a faraway that is out of your sight
somewhere out there is a playground
so we be serious in finding that innocence
Oh how romantic was your reply!
my heart is soaring
the journey is long
and we shall be the shelter for each other.
as I look at you
as I gave you the key to my past and future
I realised that so many identical dreams bond us together
Oh you light up my life
so I wish that
we may tune into each other's mind
add some feelings to my dreams
may my thoughts bear wings
love is the flight of limitless possibilities
Oh you light up my life.
I would like to share with you
the dreams that touched me.
This is just the beginning
or issit an illusion?
Well the future lies in anticipation!
A future that i wishes to share with you!
As we stared at the lights of the city below the mountains
You say happiness and freedom
is the blessings of the poor.
And you cant imagine how I much like that idea.
As I ask you to close your eyes
and use your imagination,
a faraway that is out of your sight
somewhere out there is a playground
so we be serious in finding that innocence
Oh how romantic was your reply!
my heart is soaring
the journey is long
and we shall be the shelter for each other.
as I look at you
as I gave you the key to my past and future
I realised that so many identical dreams bond us together
Oh you light up my life
so I wish that
we may tune into each other's mind
add some feelings to my dreams
may my thoughts bear wings
love is the flight of limitless possibilities
Oh you light up my life.
I would like to share with you
the dreams that touched me.
This is just the beginning
or issit an illusion?
Well the future lies in anticipation!
A future that i wishes to share with you!
I am on fire!~
Gosh! why was I so serious and bombastic in moi previous blogs?
haah Maybe that is coz i am crazy! And some crazy people get well aftera fever! A fever is what I am having now! My nose is blocked! Blocked like two large basketballs got stuck right up my nostrils!
Ok. Now that I am feverish.. delirious.. I am thinking more clearly .
The night was interesting. I always like spending my time talking to people. There is so much what others can show you, and everyone I meet can be a teacher to me.
haha I just received an sms from erica.. forgot how I knew her. And I actually gave her some seemingly wise advice.
Heart aches are part of life! It is good to feel them coz that means you are alive. and they can be ever so beautiful! Life will find you love in time. An eternity in a fleeting moment.
So maybe tonight I will just talk about beautiful things.
My friends are beautiful! Beautiful because we work together, because we share the work we have. I can trust them to make sure nothing goes wrong. In fact I only make friends with those who are beautiful
Beautiful in the heart, their actions will radiate beauty, because of the selflessness and grace. Perhaps if one is lazy or selfish, his movements and actions will be weighed down by his selfish intentions.
haha
My students are beautiful also. Some of them beautiful in the mind, an agile mind is an attractive one. Some of them beautiful in their efforts. Very hardworking.. (actualli maybe the beautiful in the lack of efforts.. coz most of them not that hardworking) hahah
The universe is beautiful. I was drawn into a discussion tonight regarding the universe. Are there other universes?
So it all depends on how we define the universe.. of coz I prefer the idea that universe is all that we can detect and percieve. After all what we are unable to know about, we cannot experience. To Begin, we need to try to percieve and detect everything! Whether the object possesses a mass or without. Without it is small or big or minisicular.
Actually i have been pondering about such questions for a long time.
So why is light the fastest and only few constants in the world? So is there a meaning to life? or everything is just an accident and just happens to be there? It is so unbelievable! To think we are mere elements and molecules. Is religion create as an alternative to that feeling of void and emptiness.. That we do not believe. I am really in no position to answer , I also dont wish to be struck down durign the next thunderstorm!
I certainly hope I have an answer. But then again, perhaps I will feel empty once i realise what is going on.. what the real universe is all about. Then I shall have nothing more worthy of pursuiing. Perhaps this dilemma serves a purpose. To distract us from the dread of being allknowing.
Ok lets not sidetrack to the more serious side of life. And get back to the lighter things of all.
I shall interject some romantic lyrics here. Because I feel romantic now.
Love is every where.
It is what words cannot express!
You appeared in my dreams
caused an aching that took a form
a form that I can almost touch.
haah Maybe that is coz i am crazy! And some crazy people get well aftera fever! A fever is what I am having now! My nose is blocked! Blocked like two large basketballs got stuck right up my nostrils!
Ok. Now that I am feverish.. delirious.. I am thinking more clearly .
The night was interesting. I always like spending my time talking to people. There is so much what others can show you, and everyone I meet can be a teacher to me.
haha I just received an sms from erica.. forgot how I knew her. And I actually gave her some seemingly wise advice.
Heart aches are part of life! It is good to feel them coz that means you are alive. and they can be ever so beautiful! Life will find you love in time. An eternity in a fleeting moment.
So maybe tonight I will just talk about beautiful things.
My friends are beautiful! Beautiful because we work together, because we share the work we have. I can trust them to make sure nothing goes wrong. In fact I only make friends with those who are beautiful
Beautiful in the heart, their actions will radiate beauty, because of the selflessness and grace. Perhaps if one is lazy or selfish, his movements and actions will be weighed down by his selfish intentions.
haha
My students are beautiful also. Some of them beautiful in the mind, an agile mind is an attractive one. Some of them beautiful in their efforts. Very hardworking.. (actualli maybe the beautiful in the lack of efforts.. coz most of them not that hardworking) hahah
The universe is beautiful. I was drawn into a discussion tonight regarding the universe. Are there other universes?
So it all depends on how we define the universe.. of coz I prefer the idea that universe is all that we can detect and percieve. After all what we are unable to know about, we cannot experience. To Begin, we need to try to percieve and detect everything! Whether the object possesses a mass or without. Without it is small or big or minisicular.
Actually i have been pondering about such questions for a long time.
So why is light the fastest and only few constants in the world? So is there a meaning to life? or everything is just an accident and just happens to be there? It is so unbelievable! To think we are mere elements and molecules. Is religion create as an alternative to that feeling of void and emptiness.. That we do not believe. I am really in no position to answer , I also dont wish to be struck down durign the next thunderstorm!
I certainly hope I have an answer. But then again, perhaps I will feel empty once i realise what is going on.. what the real universe is all about. Then I shall have nothing more worthy of pursuiing. Perhaps this dilemma serves a purpose. To distract us from the dread of being allknowing.
Ok lets not sidetrack to the more serious side of life. And get back to the lighter things of all.
I shall interject some romantic lyrics here. Because I feel romantic now.
Love is every where.
It is what words cannot express!
You appeared in my dreams
caused an aching that took a form
a form that I can almost touch.
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