Another Saturday

I love mondays. I love getting myself busied with people around me. I need the attention. A new monday, a new week. 7 days of excitement and mystery to look forward to. But it is not monday now. Today is saturday. A day where everyone is supposed to relax. Supposed to take it easy. Catch a movie or go on a shopping spree. However I always feel unusually lonely on saturdays. I never really feel like asking my friends out on saturday. At least not well in advance. It is only when the loneliness get to me, then I start msging people for outings.

Now, today is another saturday. And I do not know what to do with my saturdays. Perhaps I never really can spend my saturdays meaningfully. I always try to spend my time meaningfully. Oh how uptight am I! I need to learn to relax. Yet I do relax alot. I get things done fast, books finished ahead of schedule. Tests and exams well revised for or even without revision, I am well well prepared or I simply dont give a damn.

It used to be Judo trainings in the morning. Despite the tiring trainings, I still have the energy to make my walk down to orchard, Perhaps just tired enough not to notice the accusing stares of those around me. Those who were inflicted with a whiff of my macho fragrance, vestige of the few hours of gruelling workout.

Used to have a time where I can loudly boast that I watched every movie found in the cinemas. Now, I seem to be a far cry from my glorious past. Maybe everyone feels somewhat lost sometimes. Especially when you are growing up. and boy do I ever seem like i am always growing up. Yah I am still much of a boy. Just slightly aged and jaded. But the naivety is still present, the boyish looks still dont fail me. And of course my jubilant antics and sheepish smiles will put most people around me at a lost for words.

I am glad that I have time to record down my feelings. Soon I am going to delete all my blogs. To wipe away any records of emotions. NO idea why I want to do that . Just a thought. A thought which seems probable and then quite attractive. After all, I am just trying to talk to a computer screen while exercising my fingers. Short of fellow humans to talk to, i can only turn to the inanimate. Or at least the computer is better than an inanimate. It is full of animation, just lacking in well.. cognition maybe.

Really I must get more active already. I hate being a couch potata. Forever confined to the space in front of my computer. I need more sun and more nature. Just feel that breeze across my face and sweat trickling down my spine. I have been playing indoor sports most of my life. Not that I am photophobic, but just happened that I am attracted by Judo and bowling. Both of which seems impossible to carry out under the fiery star.

Perhaps i shall take up solo canoeing. I wonder if canoe is a solo sport. Seems like it is . I cant swim for nuts. Definition as moving in waters. Not fast. I am the equivalent of a turtle on land. Maybe even the turtle can put me to shame. BUt float I can. I can always keep a cool head in a crisis. At least appear cool outwardly. Not appear cowardly. So without a life vest, sunken in the middle of the ocean, i can just get my feet to straighten and get parallel with the surface of the waters.

Being solo, being alone has its advantages. Judging from my blogs, maybe one can infer that conversation with me can be quite interesting. Hence I am not wasting any minute of it. I am constantly conversing with myself. Definitely not signs of schizophrenia. I am perfectly in control and I dont speak froma second person's perspective. I just try to think from one. Now I am getting every one confused. So let me get back to going it alone.

Starting from Dec perhaps. I shall be free from alot of my responsibilities. the exams well behind me. My students most of which are dying to just cast away the horrors of books, exams and school. So I can expect my self to be freed up immensely. I shall continue training for Judo. Hope to find a form that was long gone. The champion that was once me. Either the champion is dead, or probably just in slumber. I shall wager on the second.