Why is it that when you are alone, you are not lonely? Yet when I am with you, I feel lonely? Will we ever rediscover that eagerness and excitement when it had all started? As usual, I have so many questions but still without an answer.
Just like my previous post, alot of questions but yet no answers.
I wonder if an answer of I love you is enough. What do the words actually mean?I loved you? so I should be loving you now? I think I love you because I never really thought about otherwise?
What we did experience was as true as I know. Yet just like the fireworks, the fleeting brilliance and dazzling fizzles into a nightsky of solitude.
Do I sound like I am whining? I really hope not.
Back to the issue at hand. When do couples ever need to take a break from each other? I do not see my father needing a break from my mother. It is something which I find extremely hard to do. Because if you love someone you would always want to be with that person. Maybe the love is no longer there.
Would it be more benevolent then to acknowledge the fact that love does not exist anymore? Is it really a step forward? How I wish to be a mindreader so I can see for myself what is going through in that head. Because it is out of my depth. Because I only know how to love and how not to love. Never tried to not love when actually I am in love.
So I have expectations. Does true love really mean the lack of need of expectations? I can agree because I can give everything and do everything just for someone I love. Without needing anything back. Yet when you put true love in the context or prison of a relationship, there will be expectations. You expect to be loved, you expect the attention, the missing you and the happiness when you are together.
I am very simple. Perhaps just need to know that you love me. Or just to know that you do not love me. Actions speak louder than words and I may have already got my answers.
Perhaps I am a fool but I would still be glad if someone would kindly tell me if she loves me right now or not.
How do you give someone more space? If someone needs space now, does that not mean you and her are just not compatible? Just like two pieces of jigsaw. If they are compatible, they do not need any space in between them, they fit snugly side by side, in jigsaw bliss.
Maybe she is just being kind to me by not breaking my heart? Yet it has already been trampled upon, crushed and devastatingly destroyed to know that she is just not comfortable with me. A kinder approach would be to tell me the whole truth. Whatever is on her mind. Everything. Everything. SO I can understand. So I can start my healing process. Please do not hold on to whatever beautiful things that have happened in the past. Because to live in the past would be to be cruel to the present. Cruel to you and to me.
What really matters now is whether you love me or not. But for now I am giving you time to find that answer. Although I think I already know the answer.
I am tired. Really tired. Perhaps I should just sleep and let the dreams bring whatever relief I can have. And let all that has happened drift away just like the dreams at dawn.
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