Good night. Last entry.

shit stupid suggestion stupid..
dont ask from her. She cannot give means cannot give.. can give me love and concern just like in the past.. she would have done so. to do so now is just out of pity. I am rambling again.
why do people read my blog.. and then come and say i am emotional. or rather become concern and ask me whats wrong. is not everything clearly explained here.

yah if i ask her to show more concern now.. to be normal like few years ago .. then what if everythign goes pear shaped after exams. shit shit shit cannot cannot . keep it quiet. shall dismantle this blog soon so no one can see inside my soul. pls. this sounds really incoherent.
so unlike me. people will think i have lost it.

no good can come out of it. must act normal. must be like everyone else. mask my emotions. when i talk, look at people in the eye. smile when the jokes are shared and show concern for their problems. eat properly. tell them i sleep at 10pm and wake at 7 am. I am normal and not getting schizophrenic.

two more weeks

Today was a good day. This week was a good week. Because I did not press her too much. Because I did not give her much stress. I know now that she is working so she would not have time to check my blog and I do not want her to know how much I need her.

Anyway it feels good to be around her. It feels as good to be around pandas. Going to East Coast cycling feels good also. If she needs space and time, 1 year 2 years i will give them to her. 10 years, my heart will be still be hers. But this is really quite a bad time to not love me. haha How about never ? But of coz i need to understand her and give her what she needs. But maybe two more weeks of concern to ask from her? Two more weeks of normality? haha just to help me last through this period? No.. I am scared to ask from her because that will give her more pressure and drive her further away.

Nevermind about that. Shall perservere. Shall be patient. Shall endure the bad feelings and emotions and concentrate on the good memories. Shalll drive away the fear. Most importantly shall concentrate on my books. Although it is not working, but I will try. I hope no one reads this post because I do not wish for any one to be overduly concerned.

Anyway yah, hope to be able to sleep well today. Maybe at 4 or 5am. There are two nice songs which I will just listen to over and over again.

对你的思念是一天又一天
孤单的我还是没有改变
美丽的梦何时才能出现
亲爱的你好想再见你一面
秋天的风一阵阵的吹过
想起了去年的这个时候
你的心到底在想些什么
为什么留下这个结局让我承受
最爱你的人是我
你怎么舍得我难过
在我最需要你的时候
没有说一句话就走
最爱你的人是我
你怎么舍得我难过
对你付出了这么多
你却没有感动过......
那样的爱情也是会让人难过到流泪的

想起我不完美
你会不会逃离我生命的范围
想着你的滋味
我会不会把这个枕头变得甜美*
想起白天的约会
忘了晚上的咖啡
只怕感情如潮水
远离我梦中的堡垒
一个人失眠全
世界失眠
无辜的街灯守候明天
幸福的失眠
只是因为害怕闭上眼
如何想你想到六点
如何爱你爱到终点
一个人失眠
全世界失眠
幸福的失眠
只是因为害怕闭上眼
如何想你想到六点
如何爱你爱到终点
如何爱你爱到终点
想起我的时候
你会不会好像我一样不能睡
想像你的暧昧
我会不会数不到绵羊一双一对
想起白天的约会
忘了晚上的咖啡
只怕感情如潮水
远离我梦中的堡垒

Email KDK a picture of any old KDK fan, together with your name and contact number.Pix selected will win a brand new KDK fan model P30KH.
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remember to join

Step 1: Simply write a blog post on “The things I want to do with my family!” (It can be activities you want to do with your members that they never took an interest in or no time for!)
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Step 3: Submit your permalink to family@nuffnang.com, with your full name and contact details.

Ok let me remind myself to join this when i have the time.

anyway I hope to give her time.. and space..
i feel very lost without the usual "love love" and "dear" and "muackz" in my phone...
will they ever come back?
what will be will be..
easier said then done...

Let me try to sleep.

At 6.51am, I still cannot sleep. The moment I lie down in bed, my heart will hurt while my head goes into overdrive. I am tempted to use alcohol to relieve my consciousness. But then again, I do not have any handy bottles around. The ones I have at home are large 1liter bottles or expensive XO and VSOPs. Perhaps I can get some dormicum from the school doctor. Nah, I will not really do that.

Now another thought,, since if we can be good friends, why not tell me what is going on in your mind? What do the words on FB mean? Do they apply to me? To you? or to another person? Afterall, we write on FB wall, it is just another way to convey a message to someone. Who is it?

I have a tuition at 11am later. I need the sleep. Today I have to study many systems. Breasts, urinary tract, reproductive system and so on. For monday's tutorial. What do I do now at 7am? ok... I am just writing down what is on my mind.

I remember telling xiaoyun before, if i am the guy you love, everything I give you or do for you would be meaningful for you. If not, they are just nothing. Eventually if you do not love me, your happiness will matter more than my happiness to you.

I guess I should just postpone my tuition.

Because I love you more than I love myself.

Time to sleep

I have just finished watching the show. 40 episodes of tears and laughter. Of warmth and family ties. And much more. A recurring theme is that of love and promise. There is also betrayal and rivalry. It is simply too exciting. I am glad that everyone has a happy ending in that show.

If you truly love someone, you would want the person to be happy. Regardless of whether the person ends up with you or not. So I will give my blessings and do my best to make who ever I love happy. Without asking for anything in return.

I need more sleep

The first day without her love. Sun.

The night always brings with her an unfathomable sadness. Is it the darkness that falls on the world outside my house like a blanket that is sucking away the happiness or is it during the night that I need someone more than ever?

Colin is giving me more pearls of wisdom. There are just so many truths in the world. Even Truths that contradict one another. How do I ever know the truth in her head? I need time for more understanding, maybe.

No point clinging on to the hope of finding the truth. If this goes on, I will soon become neurotic. Why cant the night bring with it daffodils and sunflowers. Birds and bees all dancing through the air and keeping a lonely person like me company?

For four years, I do not need music in my life because I have the tunes of love. Now suddenly all the songs seem to give me meaning. With an eerie accuracy. Anyway besides songs, I need more sleep as well.

What a night. The woman of your dreams appeared. Your pulse raced. Heavy breathing ensued. You do remember it, right? Oh, wait, you were asleep. And that's not all you missed. Under cover of night, sleep floods your veins with age-defying human growth hormone. Sleep raises an army of T cells and sends them into battle against colds and infection. Sleep resets the appetite controls that tell you to not hit the turn signal when you pass a McDonald's. And, of course, sleep helps you above the neck as well as below the belt.
"It stabilizes your waking brain, makes you more alert, and allows you to process information faster," says David Dinges, Ph.D., who studies shut-eye at the University of Pennsylvania. "It helps you remember things and consolidate those memories." You won't get that from a Red Bull. So then why are we engaged in a society-wide experiment in sleep deprivation? Average nightly sleep time during the workweek in the United States is down nearly 20 minutes in the last decade, to six hours and 40 minutes. And men ages 30 to 44 are the worst offenders: Thirty percent of them say they log less than six hours of sleep at night, according to a survey from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

The price you pay for this sleep deficit is more than just lost productivity—your health can suffer too. So wake up! It's time to shed some light on this dark territory.



Successful, driven guys should be good to go on five hours a night: MYTH

True, Napoleon slept four to five hours a night, and Thomas Edison got by on four. But world domination and the lightbulb might have been mere warm-ups had these guys slept more. Sleep scientists estimate that only 10 percent of adults are hardwired to need appreciably less (or more) sleep than the recommended seven to eight hours. And by cheating on sleep, you're limping through life with the cranial equivalent of a torn calf muscle. Scarier still, people who are sleep-deprived often don't even know they've turned into zombies. After dividing 48 volunteers into four sleep regimens—eight, six, four and zero hours a night (a.k.a. torture)—University of Pennsylvania researchers found that the six-hours-a-night group fared as poorly on measures of alertness and memory after two weeks as the no-sleep crew did after 24 hours. But participants in the six-hour group didn't feel very sleepy even when they were performing at their worst. Accumulating a sleep deficit also leads to "microsleeps" while you're awake. "Your brain becomes unstable and will go 'off-line' for half a second," Dinges says. The more sleep-deprived you are, the more frequent and longer the lapses.

Snooze strategy: If you didn't sleep seven to eight hours every night this past week, go to bed this weekend at your regular weekday time, but don't set your alarm clock. Did you rise on Saturday and Sunday at the same time you would have on, say, a Tuesday? Then you may be one of those few people who can sleep less yet remain healthy. The rest of us mere mortals can begin to repay our sleep debt by dozing 10 hours a night on weekends and then sticking to seven to eight hours during the week. Your brain will use this strategy whenever you accumulate a sleep debt, says Ruth Benca, M.D., Ph.D., medical director of the Wisconsin Sleep Center. Otherwise, you want to stay consistent with your sleeping.

The post-lunch bonk can't be avoided: MYTH
Many Europeans scarf down a carb-loaded lunch and then shut down from 1 to 4 in the afternoon. But with unemployment soaring, let's assume a three-hour nap won't play well at the office. If you find yourself entering what amounts to a food coma after lunch, you're probably eating too many carbohydrates in the morning. And what you're not getting enough of is making it worse. "A postlunch crash is a telltale sign of poor nighttime sleep, as is dozing in meetings, theater performances, or similar environments," says Dr. Benca. Not sure if you're experiencing a modest dip or a true crash? Take a minute or two to fill out the Epworth Sleepiness Scale. This online questionnaire is the same one sleep docs use on their new patients.
Snooze strategy: Along with improving your nightly sleep pattern, eat three small meals spaced two hours apart in the morning. Try a protein shake at 7 a.m., two eggs and a small cup of oatmeal at 9, and an apple and a handful of almonds at 11. You'll consume fewer carbohydrates, and you won't be as likely to overeat at lunchtime. In fact, a salad with grilled chicken and avocado on top should be enough to keep your mind focused and your head off the desk all afternoon, says Keith Berkowitz, M. D., medical director of the Center for Balanced Health in New York City.

Waking up at 4 a. m. every day just means I'm an early riser: MYTH
More likely, you—along with 60 million other Americans—have insomnia, an inability to fall or stay asleep. "Insomniacs wake at the slightest disturbance and feel unrefreshed in the morning," says Dr. Benca. Insufficient sleep exposes the sufferer to a litany of performance and health problems. In a study published in the Journal of Psychosomatic Research, researchers found insomniacs were more than twice as likely as normal sleepers to call in sick for long periods.
Snooze strategy: Let's assume that you've already cut back on caffeine. What you want to do is make your sleep more efficient, says W. Christopher Winter, M.D., medical director of the sleep medicine center at Martha Jefferson Hospital in Charlottesville, Va. Dr. Winter likens poor sleep to a bookcase missing a few volumes, representing gaps in your sleep. By going to bed an hour or so later, those gaps won't be as long as or frequent. Soon enough, you should be waking up after the roosters, not before them.
A tiring workout before bed will help me sleep more soundly: MYTH
Regular exercise is one of the best sleep-promoting remedies, but working out late at night risks leaving you wide-eyed in bed. "It's easiest to fall asleep when your core body temperature goes relatively quickly from very warm to very cold," says Dr. Chediak. "After exercise, that cooling process takes four to six hours." It's better to take a hot bath or sauna session close to bedtime. "Anything that raises core body temperature will help get you started on sleep," says Dr. Chediak. He says the cooldown period into the sleep zone following a bath takes just two hours—half that of an exercise session.
Snooze strategy: Work out—but do it first thing in the morning for all-day energy and a quick drift into deep, restful sleep. Studies show that exercise improves sleep as effectively as a class of sleeping pills that includes Restoril and Halcion.
Alcohol can help me sleep at night: MYTH
Only if you equate a good night's sleep with passing out drunk on your girlfriend's sofa. Alcohol messes with the normal sleep cycle, especially the back end of the cycle. "Four hours into sleep, alcohol wears off and leaves you in an excitable state," says Dr. Chediak. You'll sleep lighter, wake more easily, and be hung over when you do wake. After three nights of intoxicated slumber, even the initial knockout punch begins to wane. Dr. Chediak warns of another drawback to using a six-pack as a sleep aid. "Being a muscle relaxant as well as sedative, alcohol can even create sleep apnea symptoms in snorers who don't otherwise have the condition," he says. Unfortunately, liquor is a go-to therapy for many sheep counters, used as often as over-the-counter sleeping pills and more often than prescription sleep meds.
Snooze strategy: Be consistent with your overall schedule and you won't need booze. "Your internal clock is a structure in your brain called the suprachiasmatic nucleus," says Dr. Winter. "To set this clock, eat your breakfast, lunch, and dinner at exactly the same time every day for a week."

Friends are meant to be together for life.

I have a new friend. I suddenly felt very relieved and happy because I now have friend whom I can trust and love.

Yes love can come in many forms. While yesterday xt said that expectations are hard to adjust because they are so innate, I do agree. Yet they are merely hard to adjust, not impossible. To borrow Nike or issit Adidas? Nothing is Impossible. Perhaps it is more beautiful to love without expecting anything in return. I know I can do it because I have that love. Just like a mother shielding her child in a plane crash or bus accident. Willing to give her whole life just to protect someone she loves.

There was a drastic change of fortune. Just yesterday night, I thought I had lost something important. I remembered how I lost my wallet in KL. I never found it back. But if I had, the feeling of recovery would be amazing. That was how I felt this afternoon at 12.15pm. Even though the wallet is missing some cash probably picked clean by whoever picked it up, the fact is I recovered my most precious wallet. The cash can be put back by my hard work. Crying over the lost money is stupid, why not be thankful that I still have my wallet?

I had many pearls of wisdom this morning. The most precious gifts always turn up in the most unexpected places. Life is just like a river. Just flow along and you are on course for what ever life has in store for you. Grab onto a stone or branch will just be futile and you might even get caught in an eddy.

In friends we trust. I have many whom I know are my true friends. For example sayanee, she will incredibly message me when I am feeling most down. Words of concern and encouragement are worth more than any salary that I can ever pick up. I am ashamed to say that I have not been reciprocating that friendship, when was the last time I was concerned about my JC friends or primary school friends? I am just a selfish starfish.

I know that true friends trust each other, are there for each other and understand each other. Maybe the song "you say it best, when you say nothing at all." applies to true friends. I think I finally realised the meaning of being good friends. I do have many good friends, it is just that I have forgotten about them.

On that topic, I still remember the time where saya went to Mdm Ng to ask her a higher grade for my IPW. She was the only one who got an A, mine was a B. I was really very touched. Those were the good old times, choreographing our stupid hamster dance and making CK impersonate Sim Wong Who? I am absolutely tickled.

Have I ever worried about saya, barry, cl, irwin, anna not being true friends? Lying to me or not feeling the same way? Nope. Just let it be and be together when we have the time. There are important things in life like my pathology supp papers. Like My FREAKING IPPT on the 30th of May. I NEED A RUNNING MATE!!!!! MAybe even a pullup buddy. Let me appreciate the finer things in my life. Including my friend.

PS: yesterday some songs I heard were quite emotional. While they may be made to look like the truth, it really depends on your state of mind. :d
Lets just hope the songs are outdated. :D
太傻

痴痴地想了多少夜
我还是不了解
是什么让我们今天会分别
反正梦都是太匆匆
反正爱只能那么浓
心与感情让它粉碎
飘散在风中
只是为何当初你是不听所有纷纷扰扰流言之中漫天风雨
你会选择了我
只是为何如今我们不顾一切追求真爱坚持底又苦尽甘来
你会放弃了我
再说你也不会懂
心再痛你能做什么
不再将自己深锁错了又错
守住你的承诺太傻
只怪自己被爱迷惑
说过的话已不重要
可是我从不曾忘掉
守住你的承诺太傻
只怪自己被爱迷惑
醉过的心那里去找
对着满满空虚回忆怎么逃

如果你还爱我

我带着一颗疲惫的心走了
我知道自己在你心里已不重要
虽然我们曾经相聚过
也许对于你来说已经没有什么值得回忆
我带着一颗沉重的心走了
我知道自己没有勇气道别离
虽然我们曾经拥有过
但是对于你来说已经没有什么值得回忆
难道早以注定不能真正拥有你
难道我真心付出一切只为了承受孤单和寂寞
我知道你不敢对我坦白
是不要看到我的伤怀
虽然你没有说要离开我
我已经感到你不再属于我
如果你还爱我
你不会对我如此的冷漠
又怎会让我在漫漫长夜独自徘徊
如果你还爱我
你不会对我如此的冷漠
我只能含着眼泪默默的离开

Or did I not lose it?

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves."-- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
LISTEN FOR LOVE
There are times when we are timid and shy about expressing the love we feel. For fear of embarrassing the other person, or ourselves, we hesitate to say the actual words "I love you." So we try to communicate the idea in other words.
We say 'take care' or 'don't drive too fast' or 'be good.' But really, these are just other ways of saying 'I love you,' 'you are important to me,' 'I care what happens to you,' 'I don't want you to get hurt.'
We are sometimes very strange people. The only thing we want to say, and the one thing that we should say, is the one thing we don't say. And yet, because the feeling is so real, and the need to say it is so strong, we are driven to use other words and signs to say what we really mean. And many times the meaning never gets communicated at all and the other person is left feeling unloved and unwanted.
Therefore, we have to LISTEN FOR LOVE in the words that people are saying to us. Sometimes the explicit words are necessary, but more often, the manner of saying things is even more important. A joyous insult carries more affection and love within the sentiments which are expressed insincerely.
An impulsive hug says I LOVE YOU even though the words might be saying very different.
Any expression of a person's concern for another says I love you. Sometimes the expression is clumsy, sometimes even cruel. Sometimes we must look and listen very intently for the love that contains. But it is often there, beneath the surface.
A mother may nag her son constantly about his grades or cleaning his room. The son may hear only the nagging, but if he listens carefully, he will hear the love underneath the nagging. His mother wants him to do well, to be successful. Her concern and love for her son unfortunately emerge in her nagging. But it is love all the same.
A daughter comes home way past her curfew, and her father confronts her with angry words. The daughter may hear only the anger, but if she listen carefully, she will hear the love under the anger. "I was worried about you," the father is saying. 'Because I care about you and I love you. You are important to me.'
We say I love you in many ways - with birthday gifts, and little notes, with smiles and sometimes with tears. Sometimes we show our love by just keeping quiet and not saying a word, at other times by speaking out, even brusquely. We show our love sometimes by impulsiveness. Many times we have to show our love by forgiving someone who has not listened to the love we have tried to express.
The problem in listening for love is that we don't always understand the language of love which the other person is using. A girl may use tears or emotions to say what she wants to say, and her boyfriend may not understand her because he expects her to be talking his language. Thus, we have to force ourselves to really listen for love.
The problem with our world is that people rarely listen to each other. They hear the words, but they don't listen to the actions that accompany the words or the expression on the face. Or people listen only for rejection or misunderstanding. They do not see the love that is there just beneath the surface, even if the words are angry. We have to listen for love in those around us.
If we listen intently we will discover that we are a lot more loved than we realize. Listen for love and we will find that the world is a very loving place, after all.
LOVE is a happy thing.It makes us laugh.It makes us sing.It makes us sad.It makes us cry.It makes us seek the reason why.It makes us take.It makes us give.Above all else it makes us LIVE.

Is your heart with him? Or did I just lose it?

It is really like a stab to the heart to know that while you are alone you are not lonely. That totally negates the purpose of my existence. Perhaps I am not seeing the big picture. In that case can someone just help me with it? Explain to me patiently. I am at a loss but I am strong. Perhaps it is the greatest insult to be with someone just because you pity the person who cannot live without you.

Anyway I shall put on a brave front. Be happy about the whole thing and just let laughter cover my sorrow. As I always do. I laugh when I am most upset. Already I have shown more emotions than I really wish to throughout the whole of this episode. And I fear I might just cave in again and again. SO let me try to focus on what ELSE that really matters. Let me try.

another

So what are the many things that are going on in your life right now that were absent before? In the four years together is this really the more trying period? Piano, Internship, tuitions and what else? So is it because of the restrictions I have placed. The strains that still bear the stress till now....? what is going on?

101 questions. and a relief.

Why is it that when you are alone, you are not lonely? Yet when I am with you, I feel lonely? Will we ever rediscover that eagerness and excitement when it had all started? As usual, I have so many questions but still without an answer.

Just like my previous post, alot of questions but yet no answers.
I wonder if an answer of I love you is enough. What do the words actually mean?I loved you? so I should be loving you now? I think I love you because I never really thought about otherwise?

What we did experience was as true as I know. Yet just like the fireworks, the fleeting brilliance and dazzling fizzles into a nightsky of solitude.

Do I sound like I am whining? I really hope not.

Back to the issue at hand. When do couples ever need to take a break from each other? I do not see my father needing a break from my mother. It is something which I find extremely hard to do. Because if you love someone you would always want to be with that person. Maybe the love is no longer there.

Would it be more benevolent then to acknowledge the fact that love does not exist anymore? Is it really a step forward? How I wish to be a mindreader so I can see for myself what is going through in that head. Because it is out of my depth. Because I only know how to love and how not to love. Never tried to not love when actually I am in love.

So I have expectations. Does true love really mean the lack of need of expectations? I can agree because I can give everything and do everything just for someone I love. Without needing anything back. Yet when you put true love in the context or prison of a relationship, there will be expectations. You expect to be loved, you expect the attention, the missing you and the happiness when you are together.

I am very simple. Perhaps just need to know that you love me. Or just to know that you do not love me. Actions speak louder than words and I may have already got my answers.

Perhaps I am a fool but I would still be glad if someone would kindly tell me if she loves me right now or not.

How do you give someone more space? If someone needs space now, does that not mean you and her are just not compatible? Just like two pieces of jigsaw. If they are compatible, they do not need any space in between them, they fit snugly side by side, in jigsaw bliss.

Maybe she is just being kind to me by not breaking my heart? Yet it has already been trampled upon, crushed and devastatingly destroyed to know that she is just not comfortable with me. A kinder approach would be to tell me the whole truth. Whatever is on her mind. Everything. Everything. SO I can understand. So I can start my healing process. Please do not hold on to whatever beautiful things that have happened in the past. Because to live in the past would be to be cruel to the present. Cruel to you and to me.

What really matters now is whether you love me or not. But for now I am giving you time to find that answer. Although I think I already know the answer.

I am tired. Really tired. Perhaps I should just sleep and let the dreams bring whatever relief I can have. And let all that has happened drift away just like the dreams at dawn.

For as long as I can remember, Europe has always been a source of heartbreak for Chelsea. This year they played their best football and against the best team in the world, Chelsea showed Barcelona that possession and having the best attacking players in the world do not win you games. This time round, it was a combination of poor refereeing and bad luck that Chelsea lost out despite being the better team.

While the referee has really been abhorrent, it still took a moment of class from Iniesta to find the back of the net.

The challenge on Drogba by Yaya Toure should have been a sending off and a penalty. That blatant handball by Pique must also result in similar consequences. Yet no actions were done. Chelsea should have put the game away with so many clear cut chances and yet it was not to be.

Sometimes you really have to wonder the existence of a higher authority. Footballing gods? Now talking about clearing out players from Stamford Bridge, I really wonder who should go and who should stay. After all, in recent weeks, players have been showing their worth and many of them can still remain here and provide CHelsea with the driving force for a league title and European glory again.

Up front we have Di Santo, Kalou, Drogba and Anelka.
Midfield there is Lampard, Ballack, Malouda, Essien, Mikel, Joe Cole, Belleti, Mineiro and Deco
In defence we have Mancienne,Bosingwa, Ferreira, Ashley Cole, Terry, Alex, Carvalho and Ivanovic.
Cech and Hilario in goal.

So who do we need to ship away?

For all their critics, I think Drogba and Anelka still have a good few years left in them so there are definitely not going to go away. With two experienced EPL strikers around, we will always be able to open up any defence and also do well against fellow title contenders.

Di Santo is still young and has not much chances to prove himself. Perhaps he should be sent off for a loan spell and Kalou is one I would not mind seeing him leave. If Arsene Wenger so likes him, he can buy Kalou and provide Chelsea with the funds to bring in a big name striker.

Whose name comes to mind? Definitely with David Villa apparently being put on the display cabinet by Valencia, he is one we must consider. He has the skills necessary to thrive and provides a different dimension to Drogba's strength and Anelka's speed. With Man City and Real Madrid chasing him, we need to dig into Abramovich's pockets once again to compete. However I really think with our prowess on the European stage, Real and City will never be able to compete even if they can pay more. Not every one is a RObinho.

Of course there are a few strikers playing in the french league like Brandao who might be good for Chelsea. I would not want David Trezeguet or Ibrahimovic because they are too individualistic for the good of Chelsea. Podolski might be nice but he is returning to his hometown club. Perhaps an Italian striker like Amauri would also be good. Then if ever Eto'o is thinking of leaving Barcelona, Chelsea would welcome him with open arms.

In: David Villa, Samual Eto, Brandao
Out: Di Santo , Kalou

Midfield: Lampard, Ballack, Essien, Mikel, Joe Cole and Malouda should stay.
Of them Ballack is considered the most inconsistent and he sometimes disappears during the early part of the season. However his experience and ability to perform in big matches could see him being retained on a bit part basis.

However players like Deco and Belleti have outstayed their welcome. Deco may be cheap but he has stopped delivering. Belleti is old and perhaps should be cleared for a new midfielder to take over.
I am not adament for Ballack and Deco to leave. If they are happy being squad players, their experience would be good for the team.

Players that should be brought in should be wide players like Ribery although everyone is eyeing him. SO i do not rate the chances of getting him great. How about Aaron Lennon or Ashley Young for a winger. Stewart Downing might be obtained on the cheap if Middlesbrough are relegated. A talented midfielder like Danny of Zenith St Petersbrug would be good as well. David Silva might be good as well. Malouda is finding his form and I expect great things from him next year.

So out: Ballack, Deco, Belleti
In: Lennon, Young, Downing, Danny or Silva

Defence I think we should keep all the players including Alex and Ivanovic. Because I feel they are able deputies and Alex definitely can challenge the ageing Carvalho for a starting place. We do however need a left back. One more quality goalkeeper to challenge Petr Cech would also be a good thing.

So while it is heartbreaking to lose in the 93rd minute, Chelsea is still a wonderful team and can continue to challenge for a few more years. Lets hope for the best.

:D

7 wonders of the world

I wonder what am I going to write about now. I am in the liibrary waiting for my pictures to be uploaded throught the wireless network. I wonder what has happened to my internaet connection at home that is supposed to be 100mbps. Is that the correct speed? The speed that is supposed to rule them all. I may have the fastest speed plan but I do not have the fastest modem and somehow my computer is beginning to behave like an old lady doing a 400 metres sprint. Sometimes resuscitation is required to start up my aged damsel.

Next I wonder when I would get the chance to enjoy the beach. Since my m1 and m2 days where I liked to go the East Coast Park instead of Anatomy Hall, for a whiff of salty seabreeze rather than formaldehyde. It has been a long time since I enjoyed the blue or torquise ocean. Now would be a rather good time. After all, electives are either suspended or canceled. Abit of therapy for the harried soul would be good.

3rd wonder , I wonder if I am sick or not. The cough has been there since January. It is less obvious now and no longer mucopurulent. I only cough when I drink cold water and I do not have a history of asthma. No fever or wheezing. Then there is the change in bowel habits. Who shits green stool? Even shrek does not do that. My gallbladder has no ruptured, maybe it is due to some weird concoction I drank before leaving Taiwan.

Strange to know that last saturday morning I was still in Taipei, then Sun and Mon was in Hongkong and Tues I was back in Spore already. The wonder of air travel.

I am still uploading photos. I wonder when I would finish. 2000 over photos. All taken by myself. I am a camwhore. Fuck it bitch!

I guess i do not have the patience to just sit here like an idiot while my pictures are being uploaded. I guess it will be my last album. I wonder where has my patience gone to.

LAst wonder is no wonder at all. Just that since I wrote 7 wonders and could only come up with six and a few rather pathetic ones, it is a wonder i am still typing.

WHen silence means so much more

The timing could not have been better. The name is just apt. Was it a creation of my subconsciousness? It must be absurb to be entertaining such thoughts.

The day started with rain. Pattering could be heard but it took real scrutinizing to notice the fine drops of drizzle. It seems to rain alot. Yet the heat at night still remains unbearable. It is like we are trapped in a glass dome and the green house effect just perpetuates endlessly.

The first few days in Taipei were cold. There were no need for air con and the duvet blankets provided real comfort. It was good to return to this place where I had my M1 holiday and realized nothing much has changed. Good things do not last. It is just like returning home after many years away, you find that everything was just as you left them, yet they are unfamiliar. The only thing that has changed is you.

My thoughts are beginning to meander again. I was late just as usual. So the punishment was to receiving a dressing down. However it was really not my fault because I had had ample time for the bus trip to school. However the bus wouldn't come even after 30 minutes of waiting. In the end, I hailed a cab and spent 9 bucks. 9 bucks could get me a decent half of a pair of shoes. The beige pair which I am wearing now.

I should have bought one more pair. Or maybe two. Now I am missing the shopping in Hongkong. To think Kelly actually told me that there are more goodies and fakes in Shengzheng. I know how to plan my next holiday calender already. Well, last week I almost believed that Kelly and I are really fated. After all meeting her and Julie in Hongkong, in Disneyland is really incredible. They have been there for so many weeks and yet chose to go the same day I decided to go. Then I bumped into them again at Lankwaifang where they were having dinner while I was just using the escalators. Oh the escalators never seem to end until I got really high up and had to take a cab down. Back in SIngapore on sat, I ran into her again.