Love is always patient;13
love is always kind;
love is never envious
or arrogant with pride.
Nor is she conceited,
5 and she is never rude;
she never thinks just of herself
or ever get annoyed.
She never is resentful;
6 is never glad with sin,
but always glad to side with truth,
whene'er the truth should win.[b]
7 She bears up under everything,
believes the best in all,
there is no limit to her hope,
and she will never fall.
8Love never fails. Now if there are prophecies, they will be done away with. If there are languages, they will cease. If there is knowledge, it will be done away with. 9For what we know is incomplete and what we prophesy is incomplete. 10But when what is complete[c] comes, then what is incomplete will be done away with.
11When I was a child, I spoke like a child, thought like a child, and reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up my childish ways. 12Now we see only an indistinct image in a mirror, but then we will be face to face. Now what I know is incomplete, but then I will know fully, even as I have been fully known.
13Right now three things remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.
I am sorry but I realized I do not love you..
Monday, March 30, 2009
你的回话凌乱着在这个时刻我想起喷泉旁的白鸽甜蜜散落了情绪莫名的拉扯我还爱你呢而你断断续续唱着歌假装没事了时间过了走了爱情面临选择你冷了倦了我哭了离开时的不快乐你用卡片手写着有些爱只给到这真的痛了怎么了你累了说好的幸福呢我懂了不说了爱淡了梦远了开心与不开心一一细数着你再不舍那些爱过的感觉都太深刻我都还记得你不等了说好的幸福呢我错了泪干了放手了后悔了只是回忆的音乐盒还旋转着要怎么停呢你的回话凌乱着在这个时刻我想起喷泉旁的白鸽甜蜜散落了情绪莫名的拉扯我还爱你呢而你断断续续唱着歌假装没事了时间过了走了爱情面临选择你冷了倦了我哭了离开时的不快乐你用卡片手写着有些爱只给到这真的痛了怎么了你累了说好的幸福呢我懂了不说了爱淡了梦远了开心与不开心一一细数着你再不舍那些爱过的感觉都太深刻我都还记得你不等了说好的幸福呢我错了泪干了放手了后悔了只是回忆的音乐盒还旋转着要怎么停呢怎么了你累了说好的幸福呢我懂了不说了爱淡了梦远了我都还记得你不等了说好的幸福呢我错了泪干了放手了后悔了只是回忆的音乐盒还旋转着要怎么停呢~~end~~
no more no more no more no more
no more no more no more no more
Saturday, March 28, 2009
There has been a lot of silence. There seem to be nothing wrong so there is nothing to say. When there is emptiness, most often there is also silence. How I wish I can just sit down and listen to you talk about everything that matters to you. How I wish I can listen to what you say to him and what you message him. Because I feel the spark is lost. I rather be a best friend with you now because perhaps then we will have things to talk about.
The problem lies with me. I need that much attention. Although I am used to loneliness. Although I can go for days without having a proper conversation. Although I watch movies alone, I sing alone. But I still need a call at night. I hate whining and complaining. I do not need anyone. I am strong enough by myself and that shall be the way.
The problem lies with me. I need that much attention. Although I am used to loneliness. Although I can go for days without having a proper conversation. Although I watch movies alone, I sing alone. But I still need a call at night. I hate whining and complaining. I do not need anyone. I am strong enough by myself and that shall be the way.
The whole world is dead.
It is early in the morning and I am still awake. I feel like talking to someone, anyone but there is no one awake in this world except for me. I am not comforted by the incessant typing of the keyboard. I am not relieved that the churning of the CPU and the droning of the fan is not making me feel any better.
I really wished I did not say what I did this afternoon. I do not wish to lose her. Never. It was on a moment of impulse that a well rehearsed line came out. I am actually tired of saying and thinking the same thing over and over again.
I really wished I did not say what I did this afternoon. I do not wish to lose her. Never. It was on a moment of impulse that a well rehearsed line came out. I am actually tired of saying and thinking the same thing over and over again.
Friday, March 27, 2009
6.19am
This has not been a very good week for me. The ants have finally arrived on my desk. The sweet wrapper which was left there for so many days attracted them and it took both my hands and some dexterity to kill every single ant. I do not tolerate ants in my room. Just like I do not tolerate certain things in life.
I am not really bothered by things that I do not tolerate this week. Rather it is people who cannot tolerate my absence who are bothering me. I hope and pray for a peaceful resolution. I do not wish my holidays to be collateral damage but that seems highly possible. As always I am speaking in code because those who know, know. Those who do not, may it stay that way.
I went for a movie with XT. The girl who has not been kissed. At least not by her most recent past of a boyfriend. Never been kissed. It was a favourite movie of mine. Drew Barrymore. Too bad XT has never watched it before. Neither can I recall the content to recount it here. I feel the urge now. To the toilet. After all whatever she has been telling me about JNR is really shitty.
But her ex sq is not much better. Even though he is a fabulous boyfriend. Just not to her. And can you believe it? Her first was a malaysian. There is really nothing wrong with malaysians. AFter all I am half a malaysian. My mum is one. But maybe it is just the idea of XT's last two screw-ups that made the first one look bad. Or maybe I was just joking about it.
Then came the really freaky part. Meeting JNR at udders. After I had promised to push him into the Singapore river if I bumped into him there. I am glad I did not have to drown him in ice cream or anything. He was behaving really adulterously with his two female companions. I guess the Pandas do not really like him. Neither does the pig.
The movie DMC was quite funny. Despite the Newpaper putting down the acting of L and saying that the transformation between Mr Krauser and Negeri is too alarming and drastic. It was simply meant to be a comedy. A movie. Not an autobiography. The movie before that was Marley and Me. Another movie which I enjoyed because of the choice of companion. In fact I was the chosen.
I should just summarize what I did this month. I missed out on the 25th again. If you message Starhub on the 25th of each month, you stand to win a pair of movie tickets. Just for HubClub members. I always forget to do that on the 25th. What the heck. I won around 5 sets of jewellery for mum and WT. 3 sets of super duper Sony WALKMAN (trademark) which really are worth alot. I did not win them this month, but I just found out their retail prices.
I bought a webcam and a printer to replace the one which was heartlessly stampeded on by none other than myself. A hundred dollars Harvey Norman voucher was used to offset the bill. I paid $88. Quite an auspicious number. I sold my 42 inch TV together with the mini laptop. One for $800, the other for $500. ALl the money went to paying for the flat.
Well, since I am on my prizes, I might as well just list out what I can remember. There are 3 sets of Samsung E210 phones, maybe 10 pairs or more of movie tickets, 4 or 5 sets of facial products, a $4000 Hermes sofa set, a pair of return trip tickets to Japan plus tickets to World Club Cup tournament, a shaver, an Internet Phone, $800 worth of Crocodile VOuchers, a pair of soccer boots, 3 cameras: 2 Nikon and 1 Sony Cybershot an a couple of $100 vouchers for books and food. I have rather cooled off these few months. It is quite tiring to come up with flattery and summaries.
Enough of that. Barry is finally going to finish his exams. Qiuting just finished hers. I have yet to start mine. I passed my medicine reposting. I guess when I am not working hard, I am lucky. That is how one can make it through in life. Though it may not be for very far or very long but you need either hard work or luck at any point. I am just lucky to have luck whenever I am not putting in hard work. I actually prayed that Barry does well in his exams.
Then there was my Judo competition. Won a silver individual medal and a team bronze. I think I said I screwed up for the team event, I really did. We could have won the top prize if I had been more cautious for my first match and if I bothered to play for my second match. I really lack the tenacity to be successful. I am just such a loser. Maybe next year I have one more try. Perhaps perhaps perhaps.
I visited Udders 3 or 4 times already this month. Rum and Raisin is her favourite while Chocmarsh is mine. The ice cream really did not taste that good when Michelle brought us there. It was not particularly nice yesterday because I had not understood what she was trying to tell me. Then we saw JNR. He is the sworn enemy of Pandas.
I went to NTU many times this month. Twice my intention was to check on her. I was so afraid I would find him there. Or find him sending her back. I guess that is one defect in an otherwise rather good boyfriend persona of mine. Other times I delivered groceries and a rose to her. And a few letters. I am no longer that emotional during the week. Now when I am kept awake, it is because of my inherently screwed up circadian clock.
I suggested we be normal friends. So she is free to be wooed by any one else. While I shall woo her but retain my right to do otherwise. A complicated non-solution for a non-existing problem. Maybe I am a masochist. Or am I a sadomasochist? I am beginning to feel tired. However If I were to sleep, I would just wake at 2 or 3pm. Further screwing up my life. The ramification of my suggestion would be that I would be further repelled by any contact she has with him. SO just like two pieces of wood in the vast ocean, we will just drift further and further away. It is so unfar for me to demand her time and attention. She is just buried up to her neck with projects and school work.
I will be going to Taiwan for my elective soon. How I missed that place. Yet after a trip to Japan, Taiwan lost some of her lustre. Perhaps it is also with the passage of time that the fonddest of memories become gray and patchy. Colin complained that I have been too mushy on my facebook. I am thinking of quitting FB anyway. Too much privacy for too many friends. Too bad we will not catch each other. I am sure he will hear the notoriety of me when he comes back.
I end this post because I am sleepy. Not because there is a lack of things for me to write about. 7.05am. I killed another living thing. This time it is a fly.
I am not really bothered by things that I do not tolerate this week. Rather it is people who cannot tolerate my absence who are bothering me. I hope and pray for a peaceful resolution. I do not wish my holidays to be collateral damage but that seems highly possible. As always I am speaking in code because those who know, know. Those who do not, may it stay that way.
I went for a movie with XT. The girl who has not been kissed. At least not by her most recent past of a boyfriend. Never been kissed. It was a favourite movie of mine. Drew Barrymore. Too bad XT has never watched it before. Neither can I recall the content to recount it here. I feel the urge now. To the toilet. After all whatever she has been telling me about JNR is really shitty.
But her ex sq is not much better. Even though he is a fabulous boyfriend. Just not to her. And can you believe it? Her first was a malaysian. There is really nothing wrong with malaysians. AFter all I am half a malaysian. My mum is one. But maybe it is just the idea of XT's last two screw-ups that made the first one look bad. Or maybe I was just joking about it.
Then came the really freaky part. Meeting JNR at udders. After I had promised to push him into the Singapore river if I bumped into him there. I am glad I did not have to drown him in ice cream or anything. He was behaving really adulterously with his two female companions. I guess the Pandas do not really like him. Neither does the pig.
The movie DMC was quite funny. Despite the Newpaper putting down the acting of L and saying that the transformation between Mr Krauser and Negeri is too alarming and drastic. It was simply meant to be a comedy. A movie. Not an autobiography. The movie before that was Marley and Me. Another movie which I enjoyed because of the choice of companion. In fact I was the chosen.
I should just summarize what I did this month. I missed out on the 25th again. If you message Starhub on the 25th of each month, you stand to win a pair of movie tickets. Just for HubClub members. I always forget to do that on the 25th. What the heck. I won around 5 sets of jewellery for mum and WT. 3 sets of super duper Sony WALKMAN (trademark) which really are worth alot. I did not win them this month, but I just found out their retail prices.
I bought a webcam and a printer to replace the one which was heartlessly stampeded on by none other than myself. A hundred dollars Harvey Norman voucher was used to offset the bill. I paid $88. Quite an auspicious number. I sold my 42 inch TV together with the mini laptop. One for $800, the other for $500. ALl the money went to paying for the flat.
Well, since I am on my prizes, I might as well just list out what I can remember. There are 3 sets of Samsung E210 phones, maybe 10 pairs or more of movie tickets, 4 or 5 sets of facial products, a $4000 Hermes sofa set, a pair of return trip tickets to Japan plus tickets to World Club Cup tournament, a shaver, an Internet Phone, $800 worth of Crocodile VOuchers, a pair of soccer boots, 3 cameras: 2 Nikon and 1 Sony Cybershot an a couple of $100 vouchers for books and food. I have rather cooled off these few months. It is quite tiring to come up with flattery and summaries.
Enough of that. Barry is finally going to finish his exams. Qiuting just finished hers. I have yet to start mine. I passed my medicine reposting. I guess when I am not working hard, I am lucky. That is how one can make it through in life. Though it may not be for very far or very long but you need either hard work or luck at any point. I am just lucky to have luck whenever I am not putting in hard work. I actually prayed that Barry does well in his exams.
Then there was my Judo competition. Won a silver individual medal and a team bronze. I think I said I screwed up for the team event, I really did. We could have won the top prize if I had been more cautious for my first match and if I bothered to play for my second match. I really lack the tenacity to be successful. I am just such a loser. Maybe next year I have one more try. Perhaps perhaps perhaps.
I visited Udders 3 or 4 times already this month. Rum and Raisin is her favourite while Chocmarsh is mine. The ice cream really did not taste that good when Michelle brought us there. It was not particularly nice yesterday because I had not understood what she was trying to tell me. Then we saw JNR. He is the sworn enemy of Pandas.
I went to NTU many times this month. Twice my intention was to check on her. I was so afraid I would find him there. Or find him sending her back. I guess that is one defect in an otherwise rather good boyfriend persona of mine. Other times I delivered groceries and a rose to her. And a few letters. I am no longer that emotional during the week. Now when I am kept awake, it is because of my inherently screwed up circadian clock.
I suggested we be normal friends. So she is free to be wooed by any one else. While I shall woo her but retain my right to do otherwise. A complicated non-solution for a non-existing problem. Maybe I am a masochist. Or am I a sadomasochist? I am beginning to feel tired. However If I were to sleep, I would just wake at 2 or 3pm. Further screwing up my life. The ramification of my suggestion would be that I would be further repelled by any contact she has with him. SO just like two pieces of wood in the vast ocean, we will just drift further and further away. It is so unfar for me to demand her time and attention. She is just buried up to her neck with projects and school work.
I will be going to Taiwan for my elective soon. How I missed that place. Yet after a trip to Japan, Taiwan lost some of her lustre. Perhaps it is also with the passage of time that the fonddest of memories become gray and patchy. Colin complained that I have been too mushy on my facebook. I am thinking of quitting FB anyway. Too much privacy for too many friends. Too bad we will not catch each other. I am sure he will hear the notoriety of me when he comes back.
I end this post because I am sleepy. Not because there is a lack of things for me to write about. 7.05am. I killed another living thing. This time it is a fly.
Who wrote this awfully familiar paragraph?
Stars are meant to remain in the sky. Put them in a bottle, they lose their shine, you put your wish within, your wish wither and remains trapped within the bottle. Only when the person whom you gave your stars to, has given you her heart, then maybe she would admire the stars regularly. Only then can the stars in the jar have the same status as those hanging in the sky. Those stars in sky luminate our night. My stars I wish for them to luminate her heart. To bring her brightness and beauty in the dark and when she is feeling sad, fill up her heart. Someone in the big big night sky, there is someone who is willing to create all the stars for you.
Old directions are the best
Another old blog by an old friend
Thursday, June 02, 2005
Carefree Days
Had a 3-hours afternoon nap! I slept at 11+ pm last night and only woke at 10.30 am this morning. I'm quite a pig. But it can't be helped that I'm feeling tired cuz I just came back from chalet at Costa Sands East Coast.
Sherilyn and Guan Hong booked 2 chalets(E9 and E10) and invited their classes to come. On the first day, Sunday, Guan Hong came to my house to help bring all the food we prepared the evening before to chalet. Called a cab and Bro helped us to carry all the food downstairs. It was raining super heavily and the stuff were heavy too. Guan Hong accidentally scratched his arm while carrying the wire gauze. Ouch.
I think I was the driest. Several guys from other classes walked half an hour in the heavy rain just to get to the chalet, girls too. And Guan Hong got wet because he carried the food in the rain and blamed me for not sheltering him, which was what I was supposed to do. I had an umbrella in my hands, but he just went off carrying the food in the rain without telling me, so in the end I didn't really shelter him. Hee.
We started playing Mahjong soon after we reached the chalet at about 3 pm. At 5 plus, people were starting to get hungry and so we started the fire. There were 4 pits. Guan Hong wanted to get his hands on starting the fire. But due to inexperience, the fire he started were not very successful. Haha. Quite messy in fact, especially for the first one. But he learned from other guys and the second fire he started was much more organized. Sherilyn was like following him around when he was starting the fire, and giving her comments. He got kind of frustrated and said 'Can you stop following me? I just want to start the fire on my own! And I am not your son, so stop acting like my mother!' Haha. And he jumped like a little boy! Lolz. That was the funniest part. Of cuz he didn't mean to bark at Sherilyn. He didn't in fact, just something he said to get people to stop looking at him starting the fire. Haha.
There were many people. Wai Meng and Hongyi were there too. Many came and many went. Only several, about ten people, stayed overnight. From my class, only Wee Khiang, Qiu Ting and me stayed. After the BBQ, we (Guan Hong, Qiu Ting, Wee Khiang, Zhi yang from 01/05 and me) played more Mahjong. 4 of them went to bathe one by one, except me. After they were done, we walked to Parkway Parade's Kbox to sing. It was quite a long walk but I enjoyed it! But they felt like they had just wasted their bath cuz they started to perspire again. See? I'm smarter!! =P Sang from 12 am to 3 am. It was my first time at Kbox. Previously, I always rejected Sandy when she asked if I wanted to go Kbox, cuz I thought it was a total waste of money. Just sing songs and you'd to pay so much. Furthermore, I thought I wouldn't dare to sing much in front of others. Haha. But I was surprised to find that I sang the most that night. Haha. I mean, it doesn't matter if you sound horrible or sang out of tune, cuz everyone will sound horrible too! Haha. But I didn't sing out of tune k. Haha. Guan Hong sings pretty well. Qiu Ting too. Both of them frequent Kbox. Wee Khiang said my voice is quite sweet. =X Haha. Zhi Yang didn't sing much. I think he was the most bored. And, Guan Hong and Wee Khiang, the 2 guy partners, kept singing love songs to each other!!! Especially when they sing Xuan Ze. I tell you, they are so gay! Haha. But that was so funny and entertaining! 'Wo xuan ze le ni, ni xuan ze le wo, zhe shi wo men de, xuan ze..' 3 hours was too short. We had to sing only half of a song near the end cuz there were simply too many! Didn't know singing at KTV could be so fun! Now I know why people like to do so.
After we left Kbox, we went to a nearby coffeeshop to have a drink. Da Ben Zhu ate minced meat noodle, and the rest of us only drank. The walk back took about 1 and a half hour cuz Gate 4 was closed and we had to enter by the main gate. I took a bath and everyone slept at 6+ am. We promised to wake at 9.30 am to have breakfast together. I guess I was the last to fall asleep, cuz a while after we all got onto bed, I was still wide awake and said 'Wo shui bu zhao' And I kind of woke everyone up again! Hee. I was the earliest to wake up too! Woke at 8.45 am and saw that everyone was still asleep. So I was trying to do something useful to waste time. Stretched and turned on the bed. Time was crawling by. I even tried making my body into a circle by making my feet touch my head. Successful for the right turn, almost succeeded for the left. After I tried all sorts of stunts on the bed, they were still sleeping and it was only 9 am! I wanted to test if they were deep asleep. And so I said 'Qi lai le!! Qi chuang le!!' Said it a few times, and they started waking up one by one. Haha. They weren't having a deep sleep after all. Guan Hong was the most pig. He didn't want to get out of bed and said it was still early. When he finally decided to get up, I felt a bit tired after all the stunting and calling out. So I told them 'Let's sleep for ten more minutes.' And I think they were feeling -.-'''. Hee.
And so we went to Mac to have breakfast. I had hotcakes with sausages!! Yum Yum! Most of them had Big Breakfast. We were planning what to do next. I told them I felt like singing again and Guan Hong felt like bowling. So our plan was to go Katong Shopping Complex to bowl and then go Kbox from 2 to 7 pm. Guan Hong knew the area very well cuz he lived there when he was young. Oh, and he's from Ngee Ann Primary. We couldn't find the bowling place cuz we got on to the wrong lift. Went to a snookerium instead. First time I tried the real pool too! Experience in Yahoo! Pool gave me a good idea on how to play. Zhi Yang said wo you qian tu. Haha. Only played for half an hour cuz Qiu Ting and me got kind of bored. Guan Hong was even better. He slept through the whole pool session on a sofa. Can't blame him. He was sick and I woke him up early too. Felt guilty when I saw how tired he was.
We went to a KTV at the shopping complex after pooling. The rates were cheap, but we weren't very sure about the songs they have. Only booked an hour at first, extended it to three after a while. The microphones were louder too! Which is a good thing, cuz I can't sing very loud even if I tried. Was a bit disppointed when I couldn't find Stella's Fen Shou Di Qi Tian and Lin Yi Lian's Zhi Shao Hai You Ni on the menu. Guess Kbox is still a better choice. I sang the most again. All 4 of them feel asleep. Haha!! And I was the only one left singing on my own. Haha, cuz some of the songs I picked, Qiu Ting don't know how to sing. I didn't mind them sleeping at all. It's quite good to sing alone in fact, Haha. No wonder Guan Hong and Qiu Ting often go to sing alone. But I felt bad and a bit selfish. Hee. Like I picked a lot of songs and bored them. Oops. So sorry!
Left the KTV at about 4 pm and we finally found where the bowling area was. I didn't bowl cuz I didn't wanna spend too much money. And I was happy enough to just watch. Guan Hong was the best in bowling, though he said he was much better in the past. For the first game, both Guan Hong and his gay, Wee Khiang scored 101. Zhi Yang scored 59 and Qiu Ting, 57. Quite close huh. For the next 3 games, Guan Hong still didn't manage to hit 140, which was his target score. Hmm, and the lao ah peks at the next lane were superb. They could hit as high as 130+ at the 5th frame. Got told off by them cuz we bowled at the same time as them, and distracted them as a result. =X I passed quite a lot of comments during their bowling game. And Guan Hong said I was too noisy. BlehX. I don't care, I don't care. =P I just love to talk!
Since we were in Katong, how could we forget to try out the infamous Katong Laksa?? It was so delicious! Wee Khiang and Zhi Yang didn't want the cockles. When our Laksa came, Wee Khiang found out that he didn't want the prawns too. So he gave them to us. And after that, he found that he had paid 3 bucks for the soup, noodles and slices of fish cakes. Haha! Quite bo hua. I really like the Laksa! Yum Yum!! The best cockles I had ever tasted!
Had to rush to Parkway Parade to fetch the 01/05 girls, cuz they didn't know how to get to East Coast. Guan Hong really knew the place well, and we got to the place mainly by passing through air-conditioned areas and escalators. And it was another long walk back to the chalet. There was another round of BBQ that night. Zhen Hao and Shiu Hei came too. Daddy didn't come! Liar! He told me he would come on second day. Well, for the second BBQ I did quite a lot of cooking, compared to the first one, during which I mainly ate and ate. Hee. There were only 2 pits. Guan Hong took care of one and me, the another. People commented that mine looked better. Well, of course!! =P Actually I enjoy BBQing more than eating. Quite satisfying to see raw meat becoming cooked meat in your own hands. Haha. Oh, and Guan Hong got both of us a chair to sit while BBQing. Aww.. how sweet. =X My fire was getting smaller and smaller. Took ages for the meat to become cooked. But with much TLC and patience, I managed to get all of them nicely done. Zhen Hao and Shiu Hei were busy helping to peel the prawns and feeding them to Guan Hong and me. Lolz. It was like a food-processing mechanism. Guan Hong + Me cook food ---> feed Zhen Hao and Shiu Hei ---> Peel prawns ---> Feed Guan Hong and Me ---> cook food.. and the cycle goes on.
I was hesitating to stay for the second night. Qiu Ting almost stayed overnight, but in the end she decided against it. So Wee Khiang and her left. Since I was kind enough, I decided to stay, cuz Guan Hong was like persuading people to stay. Haha. Furthermore, I would get a treat if I stayed! Hee~ Besides, Zhen Hao and Shiu Hei were staying too. And since we know each other quite well, I was glad, at least I won't be alone. I felt a bit bad, like Qiu Ting's decision to leave was partly due to my insensitivity. Cuz I was chatting away with Zhen Hao and Shiu Hei while BBQing, and she felt a bit bored and went upstairs with Wee Khiang. Oops. Sorry!
Went to play Mahjong again after BBQ. I felt hot even after I bathed. There was another guy who came. Forgot his name, but he kept calling me Mei Nu, especially when he wanted me to help him BBQ his prawns after already sat down on the Mahjong table. So irritating lo. After I bathed he wanted me to take over his place, also referred to me as Mei Nu. Oh, but I told him 'Can you stop calling me mei nu?' Just didn't like the way he sounded, though I know he didn't mean to piss me off. I wasn't pissed la, just irritated. Anyway, I stopped playing Mahjong cuz I couldn't stand the heat. went upstairs to enjoy the aircon and listen to mine cd. Found Guan Hong already fast asleep but his spectacles were on his bed. So I just placed it on the table in case they get squashed under his heavy weight. Was surprised when he woke up to put his specs properly. If it had been my brother, the spectacles would already be on the floor or squashed when he woke up. Anyway, it's nice to just sit on bed with lights off, air conditioner on, listening to good music. So good to just relax, forget everything else for a second and just be able to enjoy the moment. Hmm~~~ Enjoy the little things in life.
I slept quite a lot for the second night. Woke at 9+ am i think. And went for breakfast at Mac again, with Sherilyn, Guan Hong, Zhen Hao and Shiu Hei. This time I ordered Big Breakfast. I think I still preferred Hotcakes with sausages. I accidentally ate Sherilyn's Hashbrown cuz I thought I only ate mine halfway. And when Sherilyn started looking for hers, I was like asking everyone whether they had seen it. When I realised that I was actually holding hers in my hand, ah! So pai seh! And everyone was laughing at me. Haha. I'm entertaining alright. But Sherilyn felt sick after she ate. So we went back to chalet instead of heading for the bowling alley right away. She wanted to get back earlier so rode back on bike. But she fell down! Ouch. Had quite a big wound, and she limped her way back.
Hmm, and we checked out at around 1130. None of us felt like going home, so we decided to meet up for bowling later. Zhen Hao and Shiu Hei went to Guan Hong's house to put stuff. I went to Sherilyn's house to put her stuff and also for her to bathe. Met up at city hall at 2.15 pm and we head off to Superbowl at Marina. This time round I played. So long never bowl le! Guess I did better than I'd expected for the first game. Second game I tried all sorts of funny ways, like placing the bowl on the floor and push it forward, throw the bowl high into the air and let it drop onto the lane, almost hurt my muscle. Phew~ Haha. And a lot of funny things happened. It was all Shiu Hei's fault la! Haha. The system was quite screwed up. Scores weren't recorded, the pins were not cleared. Haha, don't how to describe what happened.
After the bowling sesssion, Guan Hong and I felt like watching a movie. But the rest weren't that keen and Sherilyn was hungry. So we bought food at LJS and smuggled them in. Watched Monsters-In-Laws. Funny and touching. Haha. Cheesy lines too. I had quite a good laugh. Hee.
Went HMV at citylink after the movie. I want to buy Aurora! Shall go check it out in China. Zhen Hao and Shiu Hei left earlier. Sherilyn took a bus home and Guan Hong and I wanted to take NEL home, but we decided to take a quick look at the CDs at Bugis Village. Ahma once told me the CDs there are very cheap. Anyway, I didn't manage to find the version of Aurora that I wanted.
After that, I finally went home. Should have taken a bus, I don't really like taking the MRT.
I kind of miss the chalet when I woke up this morning. Haha. Guess this was one of the best chalets I ever attended. I felt kind of bad for having bias towards Shiu Hei previously. I mean it can't be helped, especially when the impression he gave me during upper sec wasn't that good. Well, I'd always thought he was quite flirtatious and is always going after the pretty girls in school. Haha. So, at first when I knew that he'd be coming to chalet, I was a bit negative. Oh, but I realised he's quite an OK person. Hmm, guess people do change. Especially for the transition from secondary school to JC, well, at least for the guys. I don't think I'd changed much. Hongyi had turned from an anti-social mugger, to a sociable person who would say 'hello' to you when you pass by him. And Daddy, now he can scold and hit people when he's not happy. Haha. Quite interesting to see people around you changing (for the better, I hope). So, the bottom line is, I shouldn't judge people by what others say and perhaps also how that person appear to be. Hmm, but then again, it's quite hard. Haha. Ok, I'll try harder.
Oh, now I feel like going back to the chalet, without having to worry about schoolwork. Haiz! Good days are always short-lived. Had a lot of fun too. Although I was always suan by people, and pigs like Guan Hong, but it was quite funny. Haha. At least I amuse people. They always say I'm hard of hearing, which isn't very true, though sometimes I hear people wrongly, but that's only because they never pronounce their words correctly. Ya, you can't find a better explanation for that. I really enjoyed myself! Did quite a lot of stuff and tried out new thing like pool and KTV. Oh.. now I think I'm hooked.
Hmm, didn't spend much time with Sherilyn. Felt quite bad, like we excluded her in most of our activities. But that's only because Guan Hong didn't want her to follow. Hmm, but I still feel bad. And when I said goodbye to her at City Hall MRT station, I suddenly realised it might be the last time I'm seeing her. And that's quite sad. Perhaps we would meet up again, but for now, it just felt like that's the end of it all. Argh.
Oh, and I realise I can predict Guan Hong quite well. Haha. Like I can predict what he's gonna say next, just like how Candy is always so predictable. Maybe you guys should try to surprise me every now and then. Haha. But it's nice knowing that you think the same way as them, at least you know that they are friends that can connect to you at the same level! Haha. This is so fun. Everytime I predict something correctly, it feels good. Haha. Hee Hee.
I need a new direction..
Thursday, June 02, 2005
Carefree Days
Had a 3-hours afternoon nap! I slept at 11+ pm last night and only woke at 10.30 am this morning. I'm quite a pig. But it can't be helped that I'm feeling tired cuz I just came back from chalet at Costa Sands East Coast.
Sherilyn and Guan Hong booked 2 chalets(E9 and E10) and invited their classes to come. On the first day, Sunday, Guan Hong came to my house to help bring all the food we prepared the evening before to chalet. Called a cab and Bro helped us to carry all the food downstairs. It was raining super heavily and the stuff were heavy too. Guan Hong accidentally scratched his arm while carrying the wire gauze. Ouch.
I think I was the driest. Several guys from other classes walked half an hour in the heavy rain just to get to the chalet, girls too. And Guan Hong got wet because he carried the food in the rain and blamed me for not sheltering him, which was what I was supposed to do. I had an umbrella in my hands, but he just went off carrying the food in the rain without telling me, so in the end I didn't really shelter him. Hee.
We started playing Mahjong soon after we reached the chalet at about 3 pm. At 5 plus, people were starting to get hungry and so we started the fire. There were 4 pits. Guan Hong wanted to get his hands on starting the fire. But due to inexperience, the fire he started were not very successful. Haha. Quite messy in fact, especially for the first one. But he learned from other guys and the second fire he started was much more organized. Sherilyn was like following him around when he was starting the fire, and giving her comments. He got kind of frustrated and said 'Can you stop following me? I just want to start the fire on my own! And I am not your son, so stop acting like my mother!' Haha. And he jumped like a little boy! Lolz. That was the funniest part. Of cuz he didn't mean to bark at Sherilyn. He didn't in fact, just something he said to get people to stop looking at him starting the fire. Haha.
There were many people. Wai Meng and Hongyi were there too. Many came and many went. Only several, about ten people, stayed overnight. From my class, only Wee Khiang, Qiu Ting and me stayed. After the BBQ, we (Guan Hong, Qiu Ting, Wee Khiang, Zhi yang from 01/05 and me) played more Mahjong. 4 of them went to bathe one by one, except me. After they were done, we walked to Parkway Parade's Kbox to sing. It was quite a long walk but I enjoyed it! But they felt like they had just wasted their bath cuz they started to perspire again. See? I'm smarter!! =P Sang from 12 am to 3 am. It was my first time at Kbox. Previously, I always rejected Sandy when she asked if I wanted to go Kbox, cuz I thought it was a total waste of money. Just sing songs and you'd to pay so much. Furthermore, I thought I wouldn't dare to sing much in front of others. Haha. But I was surprised to find that I sang the most that night. Haha. I mean, it doesn't matter if you sound horrible or sang out of tune, cuz everyone will sound horrible too! Haha. But I didn't sing out of tune k. Haha. Guan Hong sings pretty well. Qiu Ting too. Both of them frequent Kbox. Wee Khiang said my voice is quite sweet. =X Haha. Zhi Yang didn't sing much. I think he was the most bored. And, Guan Hong and Wee Khiang, the 2 guy partners, kept singing love songs to each other!!! Especially when they sing Xuan Ze. I tell you, they are so gay! Haha. But that was so funny and entertaining! 'Wo xuan ze le ni, ni xuan ze le wo, zhe shi wo men de, xuan ze..' 3 hours was too short. We had to sing only half of a song near the end cuz there were simply too many! Didn't know singing at KTV could be so fun! Now I know why people like to do so.
After we left Kbox, we went to a nearby coffeeshop to have a drink. Da Ben Zhu ate minced meat noodle, and the rest of us only drank. The walk back took about 1 and a half hour cuz Gate 4 was closed and we had to enter by the main gate. I took a bath and everyone slept at 6+ am. We promised to wake at 9.30 am to have breakfast together. I guess I was the last to fall asleep, cuz a while after we all got onto bed, I was still wide awake and said 'Wo shui bu zhao' And I kind of woke everyone up again! Hee. I was the earliest to wake up too! Woke at 8.45 am and saw that everyone was still asleep. So I was trying to do something useful to waste time. Stretched and turned on the bed. Time was crawling by. I even tried making my body into a circle by making my feet touch my head. Successful for the right turn, almost succeeded for the left. After I tried all sorts of stunts on the bed, they were still sleeping and it was only 9 am! I wanted to test if they were deep asleep. And so I said 'Qi lai le!! Qi chuang le!!' Said it a few times, and they started waking up one by one. Haha. They weren't having a deep sleep after all. Guan Hong was the most pig. He didn't want to get out of bed and said it was still early. When he finally decided to get up, I felt a bit tired after all the stunting and calling out. So I told them 'Let's sleep for ten more minutes.' And I think they were feeling -.-'''. Hee.
And so we went to Mac to have breakfast. I had hotcakes with sausages!! Yum Yum! Most of them had Big Breakfast. We were planning what to do next. I told them I felt like singing again and Guan Hong felt like bowling. So our plan was to go Katong Shopping Complex to bowl and then go Kbox from 2 to 7 pm. Guan Hong knew the area very well cuz he lived there when he was young. Oh, and he's from Ngee Ann Primary. We couldn't find the bowling place cuz we got on to the wrong lift. Went to a snookerium instead. First time I tried the real pool too! Experience in Yahoo! Pool gave me a good idea on how to play. Zhi Yang said wo you qian tu. Haha. Only played for half an hour cuz Qiu Ting and me got kind of bored. Guan Hong was even better. He slept through the whole pool session on a sofa. Can't blame him. He was sick and I woke him up early too. Felt guilty when I saw how tired he was.
We went to a KTV at the shopping complex after pooling. The rates were cheap, but we weren't very sure about the songs they have. Only booked an hour at first, extended it to three after a while. The microphones were louder too! Which is a good thing, cuz I can't sing very loud even if I tried. Was a bit disppointed when I couldn't find Stella's Fen Shou Di Qi Tian and Lin Yi Lian's Zhi Shao Hai You Ni on the menu. Guess Kbox is still a better choice. I sang the most again. All 4 of them feel asleep. Haha!! And I was the only one left singing on my own. Haha, cuz some of the songs I picked, Qiu Ting don't know how to sing. I didn't mind them sleeping at all. It's quite good to sing alone in fact, Haha. No wonder Guan Hong and Qiu Ting often go to sing alone. But I felt bad and a bit selfish. Hee. Like I picked a lot of songs and bored them. Oops. So sorry!
Left the KTV at about 4 pm and we finally found where the bowling area was. I didn't bowl cuz I didn't wanna spend too much money. And I was happy enough to just watch. Guan Hong was the best in bowling, though he said he was much better in the past. For the first game, both Guan Hong and his gay, Wee Khiang scored 101. Zhi Yang scored 59 and Qiu Ting, 57. Quite close huh. For the next 3 games, Guan Hong still didn't manage to hit 140, which was his target score. Hmm, and the lao ah peks at the next lane were superb. They could hit as high as 130+ at the 5th frame. Got told off by them cuz we bowled at the same time as them, and distracted them as a result. =X I passed quite a lot of comments during their bowling game. And Guan Hong said I was too noisy. BlehX. I don't care, I don't care. =P I just love to talk!
Since we were in Katong, how could we forget to try out the infamous Katong Laksa?? It was so delicious! Wee Khiang and Zhi Yang didn't want the cockles. When our Laksa came, Wee Khiang found out that he didn't want the prawns too. So he gave them to us. And after that, he found that he had paid 3 bucks for the soup, noodles and slices of fish cakes. Haha! Quite bo hua. I really like the Laksa! Yum Yum!! The best cockles I had ever tasted!
Had to rush to Parkway Parade to fetch the 01/05 girls, cuz they didn't know how to get to East Coast. Guan Hong really knew the place well, and we got to the place mainly by passing through air-conditioned areas and escalators. And it was another long walk back to the chalet. There was another round of BBQ that night. Zhen Hao and Shiu Hei came too. Daddy didn't come! Liar! He told me he would come on second day. Well, for the second BBQ I did quite a lot of cooking, compared to the first one, during which I mainly ate and ate. Hee. There were only 2 pits. Guan Hong took care of one and me, the another. People commented that mine looked better. Well, of course!! =P Actually I enjoy BBQing more than eating. Quite satisfying to see raw meat becoming cooked meat in your own hands. Haha. Oh, and Guan Hong got both of us a chair to sit while BBQing. Aww.. how sweet. =X My fire was getting smaller and smaller. Took ages for the meat to become cooked. But with much TLC and patience, I managed to get all of them nicely done. Zhen Hao and Shiu Hei were busy helping to peel the prawns and feeding them to Guan Hong and me. Lolz. It was like a food-processing mechanism. Guan Hong + Me cook food ---> feed Zhen Hao and Shiu Hei ---> Peel prawns ---> Feed Guan Hong and Me ---> cook food.. and the cycle goes on.
I was hesitating to stay for the second night. Qiu Ting almost stayed overnight, but in the end she decided against it. So Wee Khiang and her left. Since I was kind enough, I decided to stay, cuz Guan Hong was like persuading people to stay. Haha. Furthermore, I would get a treat if I stayed! Hee~ Besides, Zhen Hao and Shiu Hei were staying too. And since we know each other quite well, I was glad, at least I won't be alone. I felt a bit bad, like Qiu Ting's decision to leave was partly due to my insensitivity. Cuz I was chatting away with Zhen Hao and Shiu Hei while BBQing, and she felt a bit bored and went upstairs with Wee Khiang. Oops. Sorry!
Went to play Mahjong again after BBQ. I felt hot even after I bathed. There was another guy who came. Forgot his name, but he kept calling me Mei Nu, especially when he wanted me to help him BBQ his prawns after already sat down on the Mahjong table. So irritating lo. After I bathed he wanted me to take over his place, also referred to me as Mei Nu. Oh, but I told him 'Can you stop calling me mei nu?' Just didn't like the way he sounded, though I know he didn't mean to piss me off. I wasn't pissed la, just irritated. Anyway, I stopped playing Mahjong cuz I couldn't stand the heat. went upstairs to enjoy the aircon and listen to mine cd. Found Guan Hong already fast asleep but his spectacles were on his bed. So I just placed it on the table in case they get squashed under his heavy weight. Was surprised when he woke up to put his specs properly. If it had been my brother, the spectacles would already be on the floor or squashed when he woke up. Anyway, it's nice to just sit on bed with lights off, air conditioner on, listening to good music. So good to just relax, forget everything else for a second and just be able to enjoy the moment. Hmm~~~ Enjoy the little things in life.
I slept quite a lot for the second night. Woke at 9+ am i think. And went for breakfast at Mac again, with Sherilyn, Guan Hong, Zhen Hao and Shiu Hei. This time I ordered Big Breakfast. I think I still preferred Hotcakes with sausages. I accidentally ate Sherilyn's Hashbrown cuz I thought I only ate mine halfway. And when Sherilyn started looking for hers, I was like asking everyone whether they had seen it. When I realised that I was actually holding hers in my hand, ah! So pai seh! And everyone was laughing at me. Haha. I'm entertaining alright. But Sherilyn felt sick after she ate. So we went back to chalet instead of heading for the bowling alley right away. She wanted to get back earlier so rode back on bike. But she fell down! Ouch. Had quite a big wound, and she limped her way back.
Hmm, and we checked out at around 1130. None of us felt like going home, so we decided to meet up for bowling later. Zhen Hao and Shiu Hei went to Guan Hong's house to put stuff. I went to Sherilyn's house to put her stuff and also for her to bathe. Met up at city hall at 2.15 pm and we head off to Superbowl at Marina. This time round I played. So long never bowl le! Guess I did better than I'd expected for the first game. Second game I tried all sorts of funny ways, like placing the bowl on the floor and push it forward, throw the bowl high into the air and let it drop onto the lane, almost hurt my muscle. Phew~ Haha. And a lot of funny things happened. It was all Shiu Hei's fault la! Haha. The system was quite screwed up. Scores weren't recorded, the pins were not cleared. Haha, don't how to describe what happened.
After the bowling sesssion, Guan Hong and I felt like watching a movie. But the rest weren't that keen and Sherilyn was hungry. So we bought food at LJS and smuggled them in. Watched Monsters-In-Laws. Funny and touching. Haha. Cheesy lines too. I had quite a good laugh. Hee.
Went HMV at citylink after the movie. I want to buy Aurora! Shall go check it out in China. Zhen Hao and Shiu Hei left earlier. Sherilyn took a bus home and Guan Hong and I wanted to take NEL home, but we decided to take a quick look at the CDs at Bugis Village. Ahma once told me the CDs there are very cheap. Anyway, I didn't manage to find the version of Aurora that I wanted.
After that, I finally went home. Should have taken a bus, I don't really like taking the MRT.
I kind of miss the chalet when I woke up this morning. Haha. Guess this was one of the best chalets I ever attended. I felt kind of bad for having bias towards Shiu Hei previously. I mean it can't be helped, especially when the impression he gave me during upper sec wasn't that good. Well, I'd always thought he was quite flirtatious and is always going after the pretty girls in school. Haha. So, at first when I knew that he'd be coming to chalet, I was a bit negative. Oh, but I realised he's quite an OK person. Hmm, guess people do change. Especially for the transition from secondary school to JC, well, at least for the guys. I don't think I'd changed much. Hongyi had turned from an anti-social mugger, to a sociable person who would say 'hello' to you when you pass by him. And Daddy, now he can scold and hit people when he's not happy. Haha. Quite interesting to see people around you changing (for the better, I hope). So, the bottom line is, I shouldn't judge people by what others say and perhaps also how that person appear to be. Hmm, but then again, it's quite hard. Haha. Ok, I'll try harder.
Oh, now I feel like going back to the chalet, without having to worry about schoolwork. Haiz! Good days are always short-lived. Had a lot of fun too. Although I was always suan by people, and pigs like Guan Hong, but it was quite funny. Haha. At least I amuse people. They always say I'm hard of hearing, which isn't very true, though sometimes I hear people wrongly, but that's only because they never pronounce their words correctly. Ya, you can't find a better explanation for that. I really enjoyed myself! Did quite a lot of stuff and tried out new thing like pool and KTV. Oh.. now I think I'm hooked.
Hmm, didn't spend much time with Sherilyn. Felt quite bad, like we excluded her in most of our activities. But that's only because Guan Hong didn't want her to follow. Hmm, but I still feel bad. And when I said goodbye to her at City Hall MRT station, I suddenly realised it might be the last time I'm seeing her. And that's quite sad. Perhaps we would meet up again, but for now, it just felt like that's the end of it all. Argh.
Oh, and I realise I can predict Guan Hong quite well. Haha. Like I can predict what he's gonna say next, just like how Candy is always so predictable. Maybe you guys should try to surprise me every now and then. Haha. But it's nice knowing that you think the same way as them, at least you know that they are friends that can connect to you at the same level! Haha. This is so fun. Everytime I predict something correctly, it feels good. Haha. Hee Hee.
I need a new direction..
Biologically unstable
I must really be bored to be googling my own name. Nothing much came up except well.. really nothing came up.
Search for something else:
eternity but realising that
wishes are still wishes
nothing really lasts forever..
..::forget-me-not::..
Search for something else:
eternity but realising that
wishes are still wishes
nothing really lasts forever..
..::forget-me-not::..
Another night of bright lights
I was just googling my name when I chanced upon a friend's entry. Nothing really significant but it was just nice to have that night captured in words.
BY Miss L
Second gathering was on 27 Dec (Sat): RJC judokas at Zhixu’s house. We had steamboat & I met up with a few people I haven’t seen in years. Other than the few whom I met up with last year (6 Years After RJC Judo), I’ve lost contact with the rest of them. My closest friend in RJC Judo, Jianhao, wasn’t there for the gathering. He abandoned me for another gathering. *But it’s okay. I forgive you. * So at times, I felt a bit out of place.
So we had the Judo gals - Liling, the engineer & me, the actor. Liling brought her bf, Faizal, who’s also an engineer. We have the doctors, Zhixu & Qianming, and the doctor-to-be, Guanhong. We have the trader, Jingmin. Yuanyiu brought his gf, Kehui, who’s also a banker. Star-studded cast, indeed. Haha. The next time we gather may be at a radically different setting… During Zhixu’s wedding next year. He’s planning to get married to Aisha, probably sometime in July. And that will mark the first matrimony amongst us.. Amazingly, Zhixu is the first to get hitched, as predicted.
This gathering stirred up many memories. Memories of my JC days, and the foolishness with which I treated my relationships & studies then. If I could live those days all over again with the knowledge I have now, I would definitely live my life differently. If I had not asked for too much, I wouldn’t have got more than I bargained for in the end. So nine years have passed.. But I look back & find that my heart is still the same. Maybe I should let the moment just freeze there, or maybe I should seek out the truth in 2009. I shall go with the flow, I guess. But I really hope to be able to build better ties with my JC friends once again.
BY Miss L
Second gathering was on 27 Dec (Sat): RJC judokas at Zhixu’s house. We had steamboat & I met up with a few people I haven’t seen in years. Other than the few whom I met up with last year (6 Years After RJC Judo), I’ve lost contact with the rest of them. My closest friend in RJC Judo, Jianhao, wasn’t there for the gathering. He abandoned me for another gathering. *But it’s okay. I forgive you. * So at times, I felt a bit out of place.
So we had the Judo gals - Liling, the engineer & me, the actor. Liling brought her bf, Faizal, who’s also an engineer. We have the doctors, Zhixu & Qianming, and the doctor-to-be, Guanhong. We have the trader, Jingmin. Yuanyiu brought his gf, Kehui, who’s also a banker. Star-studded cast, indeed. Haha. The next time we gather may be at a radically different setting… During Zhixu’s wedding next year. He’s planning to get married to Aisha, probably sometime in July. And that will mark the first matrimony amongst us.. Amazingly, Zhixu is the first to get hitched, as predicted.
This gathering stirred up many memories. Memories of my JC days, and the foolishness with which I treated my relationships & studies then. If I could live those days all over again with the knowledge I have now, I would definitely live my life differently. If I had not asked for too much, I wouldn’t have got more than I bargained for in the end. So nine years have passed.. But I look back & find that my heart is still the same. Maybe I should let the moment just freeze there, or maybe I should seek out the truth in 2009. I shall go with the flow, I guess. But I really hope to be able to build better ties with my JC friends once again.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Not knowing what to write.. because I have written so much ... and so little.
It is another night which i cannot get to sleep. It is perhaps more of a tiredness or is it just the things on my mind that are keeping me up? I really do not dare to guess. I have a prized possession which I am about to give up. If I really give up, I would wish to turn my back and walk away without a glance. But Can I do it? I do not think so. There is no problem and yet there is a problem. It is something that has never occured before in the past 4 years but has surfaced recently. I was at a facebook page just now. The first thing on it was a message to another friend. How often do you write on your friend's facebook? Twice a week? For 2 to 3 months? That is pretty tiring. I wish I do not have to see this. HOw often do you call a close friend? How many times a week? I have many close friends. Chewlip, Saya, Elvin, Anna, Barry Etc. I do not message them often. I have never called them to chit chat. Never. Neither have they called me to chit chat. Maybe I am a monster. Who does not know how the mechanics of friendship work. I only care about myself. Is it really that normal to send a friend all the way from hougang to jurong every other week? After all, even if you are going out, how possibky could you have been going to Jurong all the time. My friends wouldnt even pick me up and send me to school even though we are both going to NUS. I am talking about Veron and Sara. SIghz. I do not know how bother I am about the fact that you treat him as a close friend or whether he treats you as a close friend. Since he knows I am unhappy, does he not know how to respect me and leave you alone for the time being? OR do I have to spell it out in his face? WIll that incur your wrath? I guess so. I have never done this before in the past 4 years. Unlikely that I would face another similar situation in the next 4 or 40 years. It is a peculiar and standalone issue. A particular person. I am not cutting off the ties. Just cooling off. Say not meet or contact him for a month. Or while I am away in Taiwan. I do not wish to bring myself to say it because I do not like the answer. So I shall not say it to any one else but my dear diary. SOmetimes the truth cannot be found here. Because they are covered and peppered with so many misleading statements that they are barely unrecognizable. But sometimes it is just from the bottom of my heart. Maybe it is more of your friendliness towards to a close friend that I cannot bear. I am not that petty. I know some of my female friends have close friends also. BUt they only meet up when they are really really free and that is once in a blue moon. AFter all everyone is doing different things. I wish no one will see this because I hate people gaining insight into my mind. My pathetic and deluded mind. IN fact my super long post I doubt no one other than the pandas have read it. But it was perhaps meant for her. I need to get to the bottom of this feeling I am having. But I am getting nowhere but deeper and deeper into murky waters. I am really kicking up a big fuss over a small matter. But that is what I do nowadays. Much ado about nothing. I really do not know how to continue writing this blog. Because I am as confused as how I am feeling. Anyway today I won a silver medal in the individual category and a bronze in the team event. It should have been a gold for the team but I screwed up big time. Not thinking clearly and being too complacent in both my own abilities and my friends'. I wish Barry all the best preparing for his exams because I miss him suddenly. I like him telling me that he doesn't mind other guys sending his gf to school because that takes the load off him. Doesn't mind her having other guy friends. I do not mind also. It is what she does that matters to me. and abit of what he does. There is really nothing going on and I am even willing to bet my last dollar on nothing going on between them now. But I am still bothered. Perhaps I just need him to tell her he likes her so i can have a legitimate reason to cast him away. BUt i do not have. So meanwhile I can only lose sleep over it and just be silly.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
搞笑
那一条牙膏在对我傻笑
嘲笑我永远用不掉
想睡就睡想闹就闹
好快乐少了人唠叨
蓝色的碗盘多买了一套
我忘了没人陪我通宵
要多少替代的丑角
无辜的陪笑
才会让我能真的忘了你的好
我在搞笑藉着热闹掩盖着心跳
边哭边笑偏要说着一个人真好
当人群散了突然觉得我可以死掉
我受不了
还在搞笑
害怕回家不知怎麽熬
这麽多年早就习惯有你的撒娇
我想我能熬
但是至少要让我知道
你好不好
我们的小狗食量变好小
眼神里常常显得无聊
它习惯睡觉的床尾
少了一双脚
所以它常常看着门口睡不着
我在搞笑藉着热闹掩盖着心跳
边哭边笑偏要说着一个人真好
当人群散了
突然觉得我可以死掉
我受不了
我在搞笑却在醉后眼泪拼命飙
你的离开失去多少我计算不了
忙完了一天
突然觉得又何必辛劳
对谁炫耀
还在搞笑是否拥有麻痹的疗效
唱一夜歌却避不开催泪的曲调
我彻夜胡闹
希望听到有人会提到
你好不好
嘲笑我永远用不掉
想睡就睡想闹就闹
好快乐少了人唠叨
蓝色的碗盘多买了一套
我忘了没人陪我通宵
要多少替代的丑角
无辜的陪笑
才会让我能真的忘了你的好
我在搞笑藉着热闹掩盖着心跳
边哭边笑偏要说着一个人真好
当人群散了突然觉得我可以死掉
我受不了
还在搞笑
害怕回家不知怎麽熬
这麽多年早就习惯有你的撒娇
我想我能熬
但是至少要让我知道
你好不好
我们的小狗食量变好小
眼神里常常显得无聊
它习惯睡觉的床尾
少了一双脚
所以它常常看着门口睡不着
我在搞笑藉着热闹掩盖着心跳
边哭边笑偏要说着一个人真好
当人群散了
突然觉得我可以死掉
我受不了
我在搞笑却在醉后眼泪拼命飙
你的离开失去多少我计算不了
忙完了一天
突然觉得又何必辛劳
对谁炫耀
还在搞笑是否拥有麻痹的疗效
唱一夜歌却避不开催泪的曲调
我彻夜胡闹
希望听到有人会提到
你好不好
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Friday, March 13, 2009
Just being emotional!
Hohoho Tang Xin Feng Bao is such a fabulous show. The relationships there are so complex but the characters can make everything seem so hilarious.
Sometimes I wonder about my relationship. Is there anytime that I am made to feel more important than her friends? If she had to choose between me and her friends.. say just for a dinner or a date.. she would naturally choose me.. but she would feel abit unhappy having to choose. I would not hesitate. There are things she would not want to do. But I do. Maybe it is all about sacrificing! I am lonely now. Because there is no one to talk to on a friday night. She tells me I have to be independant. I have been independant for all my life. I learnt how to walk the forlorn night, how to enjoy my own company. I do not need anyone to tell me how to enjoy myself. Ever so, it is possible to feel both sad and satisfied at the same time. Because missing you is something that will always be on my mind. Maybe this is not something I can withstand for very long. The love is true. But having to make me feel second class is something I should not be feeling. Yah it could be my problem that I am feeling it now. It could be hers. But if there is a problem then it is still a problem.
I can give up the love of my life, even it means hurt for the rest of my life. Perhaps it is because I do not know how much it hurts to lose someone. I only know missing is painful also. And with my missing I am driving her further and further away. All for nothing. No wonder loving someone can be painful.
Sometimes I wonder about my relationship. Is there anytime that I am made to feel more important than her friends? If she had to choose between me and her friends.. say just for a dinner or a date.. she would naturally choose me.. but she would feel abit unhappy having to choose. I would not hesitate. There are things she would not want to do. But I do. Maybe it is all about sacrificing! I am lonely now. Because there is no one to talk to on a friday night. She tells me I have to be independant. I have been independant for all my life. I learnt how to walk the forlorn night, how to enjoy my own company. I do not need anyone to tell me how to enjoy myself. Ever so, it is possible to feel both sad and satisfied at the same time. Because missing you is something that will always be on my mind. Maybe this is not something I can withstand for very long. The love is true. But having to make me feel second class is something I should not be feeling. Yah it could be my problem that I am feeling it now. It could be hers. But if there is a problem then it is still a problem.
I can give up the love of my life, even it means hurt for the rest of my life. Perhaps it is because I do not know how much it hurts to lose someone. I only know missing is painful also. And with my missing I am driving her further and further away. All for nothing. No wonder loving someone can be painful.
Tuesday, March 03, 2009
Monday, March 02, 2009
Troubled
How I wish I have the answers. Yet The answers may not be what I like.
SO I went to sleep just now. Flipped in the bed and got up after the darkness induced me to keep thinking. So in fact I did not sleep. What I did was switch off the comp and the lights and then lying in bed for a good 3 minutes before I felt my heart working up again.
It is not a good moment or good week to be thinking about getting answers to my questions. Painful questions. Both of us are busy. Next week perhaps. Or at least this week end.
Last month. So let us start with the email. She emailed him before she emailed me. The same email. She ended his with Love, fluffy. The soft toy I bought for her or rather paid for her while she was out with him and Weiying. She ended mine with Love, weiteng, xiaoxiong and fluffy. Xiaoxiong is another soft toy I bought for her.So, is she masquerading her liking for him behind fluffy's name? DOes the order she sent the same email to matters?
Fridays. I would always ask her if she needs me to pick her up from school on fridays. I wonder two fridays ago when she had to stay back for project with friends and declined my invitation. She stayed out till 2.30am until a guy friend sent her back. Did she rejected my invitation for his? I called her and heard a guy's voice. The phone was hung and I was told that the phone was not working. True the phone has not been working well quite often. But Was it deliberate? Has she ever declined my invitation just to go out with him?
She has not been calling me these few weeks or since last month. DOes she call him when she has good news or bad news? When she needed someone to talk to, someone to share her day with, who does she want to call. WHen I checked her phone, there were 20 over calls from him. From his army camp. Most of them are over 1 to 2 hours. and in the wee hours of the day. When we talk on the phone, we do not talk that long. There was even a 4 hour chat. Usually she would want to sleep by 2am or so.
She said she wanted to tell me but was afraid that I would be jealous. She had lied to me for 2 months. Then recently she wanted to stop contacting him or talking on the phone with him because she know I will be unhappy. That is what she told me when I found out and asked her why she lied. She had saved his name as Sheryl on her phone for fear I would see. AM I really that horribly jealous?
There were days when she would go back to her NTU hostel with him coz he stays near her and drives. They have watched a movie together. God,, they have even collected a few prizes which I won for her together. They enjoy supper together and mahjong together. Yah I know she has been trying to tell me of his existence and trying to get me to meet her friends in hope that I will accept him. But that is no longer the main issue here. She told me she will never like him.. or is that what she said? or issit she will always like me? but also like him at the same time?
And of course, he used to like her way back in secondary school. She rejected him. She has always treated him as a good friend and nothing more.
Of course I told her I would accept their friendship. However it is just impossible for me to accept that she cares about him more than me. Somemore I have known her for 4 years plus and we have been really close all the time. She just kinda rekindled their friendship before christmas and they seem to be really close , maybe even soul mates in that period of time.
So am I being selfish if i cling on to her? Why not let her have a go with him and see if she would develop a stronger relationship with him than with me. ROmantically. I have suggested that to her and perhaps we should just do it. Get her to declare herself available to all guys and see if he chases her. I think he still likes her. WHy?
During Vday, I was kinda stuck in my gran's wake. Not that I hated it because it is my responsibility as her grandson to be there for her during her last trip. SO he jestingly offered her to join him on vday if she doesnt get a date from me. Yes just joking you know. I know too well about just jokings. So if I had not made time for her on Vday, would she really have gone out with him if he actually asked?I asked her that but she insisted that he is just joking. SO no answer though I suspected that she would have probably gone out with him if I werent free that day. I need an answer to that. A truthful answer. SO if the answer is yes. What does it mean?
Would u settle for someone who loves u 99%? or maybe 80 % in my case. I know she is true to me but what she has done during these few months, does it constitute an emotional betrayal? She said she never considered him romantically at all. She treats him like a sister. Like her best friend Candy. Is she lying to herself?
Well, she said with tears on sat that she would give him up for me. She would give up her best friend candy for me and she would give up her life to save mine if possible. I had asked her to choose between me and him.
She told me she is very sure she will not have feelings for him and will stay true to me. She says it is because of my inherent distrust and preconceived perception that all guys cannot be trusted and that I only trust myself and not others that I am making such a big fuss out of this. She gets angry and frustrated when i forbade her to be friends with him, saying that why cannot she have good friends? That is a valid point/
So if one day I am busy which might be so often. And we quarrel. Will she turn to him? Will I be rational enough not to suggest we break up because she has done that? So should I just let her go before the hurt become irreparrable?
Of course after so many years of knowing her, this is the first time I have noticed her getting close to a guy. That 4 hours of chatting cannot just all be about me can it? ALl the things done in the last two months between him and her just seem like that intense feeling of love when you first meet someone you like.
Perhaps it is her fear of me being sad that she does not want to try my suggestion? That she declares herself single and let him woo her. WHat should really be the correct way forward now?
Maybe because I am there, thats why they never develop any further? Is it possible that her explanation of treating him like a sister is true? As in true for her and for me. Or is it just a way to cover up the excitement of falling in love. Refusing to acknowledge it because to do so would means being unfaithful to me?
First, for her to declare herself available. He would have to come out and say he likes her if he really does. And I am willing to bet my camera that he does. Am I being silly by allowing such a thing to happen when clearly now I have all the advantages? I think I need to do it because I hate the fact that she thinks of him more than me in a day sometimes. or most of the time. Is that really acceptable? She will take his calls, off my calls when he is around? or is it not true? I need answers to that also.
I need her to inspect her own feelings. And decide that whether she did develop any fondness for him. IS it love? I think it is possible to like and love two persons at the same time. So should I begrudge her for doing so ? So next, should I allow her to continue being friends with him? I really have no wish to do that. It puts me in a very negative light especially with her friends who know about it. Hell the whole world will think I am a jealous bastard.
Lets have two scenarios: first is she really likes to talk to him and shares with him her stuff and msges him and go out with him more than me for the last two months.
In that case, is it fair for me to demand she stop seeing him? Of course I can try to make her happier, make life more exciting for both of us. But the hurt of knowing that she has strayed emotionally will be great. Isnt it damn ironical that I am trying to Replace him? This is the scenario I would hate to face most but I think that might be the case.
Now if she declares herself single... say I ask her to .. just so I can trick him to come out and say he likes her. Of course if he does not like her then all is good. If he does, should I forbide them going out together?
Second scenario: she just occasionally talks to him and went out with him once or twice. She thinks about me more and feels more excited being with me. Then of course I would not even bother to ask her to stay away.
her friends and aunt seem to think I am exerting too much influence on her. She should have the freedom to make friends. But now it may not be that simple anymore. After all, alot of things suggests that this is a deep friendship.. but a friendship that can supercede a relationship.. does that happen? maybe if it does than I will be able to accept it. But i just dont wish to be thought of less frequently than him.
How I wish Aunt Agony or AUnty Barry would help with this dilemma. Uncle Colin and XUeting jiejie may also be good advisors since they have plenty of experience with relationships. I need a paragraph by paragraph analysis... hahaha coz these are the questions bothering me.
SO I went to sleep just now. Flipped in the bed and got up after the darkness induced me to keep thinking. So in fact I did not sleep. What I did was switch off the comp and the lights and then lying in bed for a good 3 minutes before I felt my heart working up again.
It is not a good moment or good week to be thinking about getting answers to my questions. Painful questions. Both of us are busy. Next week perhaps. Or at least this week end.
Last month. So let us start with the email. She emailed him before she emailed me. The same email. She ended his with Love, fluffy. The soft toy I bought for her or rather paid for her while she was out with him and Weiying. She ended mine with Love, weiteng, xiaoxiong and fluffy. Xiaoxiong is another soft toy I bought for her.So, is she masquerading her liking for him behind fluffy's name? DOes the order she sent the same email to matters?
Fridays. I would always ask her if she needs me to pick her up from school on fridays. I wonder two fridays ago when she had to stay back for project with friends and declined my invitation. She stayed out till 2.30am until a guy friend sent her back. Did she rejected my invitation for his? I called her and heard a guy's voice. The phone was hung and I was told that the phone was not working. True the phone has not been working well quite often. But Was it deliberate? Has she ever declined my invitation just to go out with him?
She has not been calling me these few weeks or since last month. DOes she call him when she has good news or bad news? When she needed someone to talk to, someone to share her day with, who does she want to call. WHen I checked her phone, there were 20 over calls from him. From his army camp. Most of them are over 1 to 2 hours. and in the wee hours of the day. When we talk on the phone, we do not talk that long. There was even a 4 hour chat. Usually she would want to sleep by 2am or so.
She said she wanted to tell me but was afraid that I would be jealous. She had lied to me for 2 months. Then recently she wanted to stop contacting him or talking on the phone with him because she know I will be unhappy. That is what she told me when I found out and asked her why she lied. She had saved his name as Sheryl on her phone for fear I would see. AM I really that horribly jealous?
There were days when she would go back to her NTU hostel with him coz he stays near her and drives. They have watched a movie together. God,, they have even collected a few prizes which I won for her together. They enjoy supper together and mahjong together. Yah I know she has been trying to tell me of his existence and trying to get me to meet her friends in hope that I will accept him. But that is no longer the main issue here. She told me she will never like him.. or is that what she said? or issit she will always like me? but also like him at the same time?
And of course, he used to like her way back in secondary school. She rejected him. She has always treated him as a good friend and nothing more.
Of course I told her I would accept their friendship. However it is just impossible for me to accept that she cares about him more than me. Somemore I have known her for 4 years plus and we have been really close all the time. She just kinda rekindled their friendship before christmas and they seem to be really close , maybe even soul mates in that period of time.
So am I being selfish if i cling on to her? Why not let her have a go with him and see if she would develop a stronger relationship with him than with me. ROmantically. I have suggested that to her and perhaps we should just do it. Get her to declare herself available to all guys and see if he chases her. I think he still likes her. WHy?
During Vday, I was kinda stuck in my gran's wake. Not that I hated it because it is my responsibility as her grandson to be there for her during her last trip. SO he jestingly offered her to join him on vday if she doesnt get a date from me. Yes just joking you know. I know too well about just jokings. So if I had not made time for her on Vday, would she really have gone out with him if he actually asked?I asked her that but she insisted that he is just joking. SO no answer though I suspected that she would have probably gone out with him if I werent free that day. I need an answer to that. A truthful answer. SO if the answer is yes. What does it mean?
Would u settle for someone who loves u 99%? or maybe 80 % in my case. I know she is true to me but what she has done during these few months, does it constitute an emotional betrayal? She said she never considered him romantically at all. She treats him like a sister. Like her best friend Candy. Is she lying to herself?
Well, she said with tears on sat that she would give him up for me. She would give up her best friend candy for me and she would give up her life to save mine if possible. I had asked her to choose between me and him.
She told me she is very sure she will not have feelings for him and will stay true to me. She says it is because of my inherent distrust and preconceived perception that all guys cannot be trusted and that I only trust myself and not others that I am making such a big fuss out of this. She gets angry and frustrated when i forbade her to be friends with him, saying that why cannot she have good friends? That is a valid point/
So if one day I am busy which might be so often. And we quarrel. Will she turn to him? Will I be rational enough not to suggest we break up because she has done that? So should I just let her go before the hurt become irreparrable?
Of course after so many years of knowing her, this is the first time I have noticed her getting close to a guy. That 4 hours of chatting cannot just all be about me can it? ALl the things done in the last two months between him and her just seem like that intense feeling of love when you first meet someone you like.
Perhaps it is her fear of me being sad that she does not want to try my suggestion? That she declares herself single and let him woo her. WHat should really be the correct way forward now?
Maybe because I am there, thats why they never develop any further? Is it possible that her explanation of treating him like a sister is true? As in true for her and for me. Or is it just a way to cover up the excitement of falling in love. Refusing to acknowledge it because to do so would means being unfaithful to me?
First, for her to declare herself available. He would have to come out and say he likes her if he really does. And I am willing to bet my camera that he does. Am I being silly by allowing such a thing to happen when clearly now I have all the advantages? I think I need to do it because I hate the fact that she thinks of him more than me in a day sometimes. or most of the time. Is that really acceptable? She will take his calls, off my calls when he is around? or is it not true? I need answers to that also.
I need her to inspect her own feelings. And decide that whether she did develop any fondness for him. IS it love? I think it is possible to like and love two persons at the same time. So should I begrudge her for doing so ? So next, should I allow her to continue being friends with him? I really have no wish to do that. It puts me in a very negative light especially with her friends who know about it. Hell the whole world will think I am a jealous bastard.
Lets have two scenarios: first is she really likes to talk to him and shares with him her stuff and msges him and go out with him more than me for the last two months.
In that case, is it fair for me to demand she stop seeing him? Of course I can try to make her happier, make life more exciting for both of us. But the hurt of knowing that she has strayed emotionally will be great. Isnt it damn ironical that I am trying to Replace him? This is the scenario I would hate to face most but I think that might be the case.
Now if she declares herself single... say I ask her to .. just so I can trick him to come out and say he likes her. Of course if he does not like her then all is good. If he does, should I forbide them going out together?
Second scenario: she just occasionally talks to him and went out with him once or twice. She thinks about me more and feels more excited being with me. Then of course I would not even bother to ask her to stay away.
her friends and aunt seem to think I am exerting too much influence on her. She should have the freedom to make friends. But now it may not be that simple anymore. After all, alot of things suggests that this is a deep friendship.. but a friendship that can supercede a relationship.. does that happen? maybe if it does than I will be able to accept it. But i just dont wish to be thought of less frequently than him.
How I wish Aunt Agony or AUnty Barry would help with this dilemma. Uncle Colin and XUeting jiejie may also be good advisors since they have plenty of experience with relationships. I need a paragraph by paragraph analysis... hahaha coz these are the questions bothering me.
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