A call

I just received a call from the father of one of my tuition kids last year . He wants me to tutor his younger daughter who is in JC1 now. On physics and mathematics. At first I had rejected him because he lives in Simei and unless my next posting is at Changi, I do not wish to be travelling there every week. Of course he was quite persistent in his request and even volunteered to send his daughter to my house. I could do well to combine her with another student I have right now and earn more for the same hours of work. Now I am hoping he would call back after asking his daughter. However I do not remember doing a good job iwth his daughter. I have no idea what she eventually scored in her A'levels, though it would most likely be all distinctions. What I do know is during my time with her, all her exams results came back in red. Usually that is the case with many of my students. I Both the distinctions at national level and the dismal excursions at each school exam. I am wise enough to always promise improvements but not sterling results for the school but of course I gaurantee distinctions when it comes to the paper that really matters. Call it a trick of my trade. I also have previous students recommending me to others and I received two calls for tuition this week alone. Just the right time for me to earn my LCD screen. WHat is a gift if it is not earned with blood and sweat? However for her I was still abit surprised that the dad trusts me after all I had always been changing the dates of tuition at a whim or due to the coercion of the sleep demon. Many a sunday morning I have been utterly weak and useless in my attempt to regain strength and clarity as I lay in bed slipping in and out between periods of consciousness. Next year shall be my last year providing tuitions and I should just collect as many JC1 as possible so I still have a viable income when the next summer is upon me.
Right now I am sitting in Cafe Galilee in Pasir Ris, having just pushed one of my 3pm tuition to another day so I can rest the whole day. I have been busy catching up on David Gemmell's fantasy novels that even on the week of my exam, I finished 2 or 3 of his books together with a rather gigantic book of long cases of paediatrics. Only 5 out of 6 of my case writeups would be graded for my portfolio because I had submitted one 5 minutes before the meeting with Prof D is scheduled to start. I guess I must be the only one who dared to be late for her tutorials and meetings not once but twice. The words said during the meeting was sobering and it really provided a much needed wake up call. There was no scolding or angry words but just truthful words said in the most truthful of tones. They were not pleasant words in deed and did manage to crush much of my spirit there and then. I always need a wake up call now and then. I really need some one to be critically appraising me and I relish the chance to prove myself over and over again. I work well during stress and duress. Or rather I only work under unfavorable circumstances. If not I would just praise myself for producing minimal results with minimal effort. That is the way of the coward and i am one. I do not have much by the way of balls. Always choosing the easy way out and avoiding the situation. WHat I cvannot avoid I come up with pathetic excuses to make myself look better. I should be a stronger and bigger man than that.
It is not about tomorrow but today that is important. The greatest enemy is not without but within. Never will enough be said and nothing I say can change the fact that I am failing myself. Only can actions change lives. Jk Rowling just received an honorable degreee from Harvard in letter and writing or something to that extent. IN her speech to the educated masses of the powerful school, she said imagination can change lives. We must be able to imagine a better future, a better life for the unfortunate and poor. Then we act upon our imagination. She hit rock bottom when her divorce was finalized and she was left with a daughter and no job. That was the day she sat down in a cafe and started typing the first words of a great idea and story on her typewriter. She has no fear because her worse fears have been realized. Harry Potter was born. And Rock Bottom was the foundation upon which her success was built.