my son

today was the happiest day i ever had in a long time.
my son turned 1 year old. i had a hard time convincing evon's parents
to let me see him.
i hope she is leading the life she wants at Stanford. I would
have given up everything to join her. But I dont think
she would take to that idea kindly.
I had already derailed her plans and ambitions for a year, how can I
be so selfish again.and i simply occupy no space in her life.
the past year was a horrible one.
how many quarrels. how many accusations from everyone.
i was rash and we were careless. there were plenty of tears and
unhappiness, all of which tore my heart apart.
at least we managed to move on with our lives.
both of us pursuing our dreams, separately.
the only memory i have now of our relationship is him.
he is adorable. her parents take care of him. it must be hard.
i wish i can do my part.
but my parents will kill me. and do i have the abilities to
raise a child on my own?
maybe when he grows up. he will treat me as his much older brother.
i simply cannot believe what i have done even until now.
brought a life into the world. yet unable to provide for .
i miss her. yet i have no right to barge into her new life.
think kai will forever remain the looking glass for me into her life.