August 22nd: Free to set sail

22nd Of August. It is her birthday today. I had almost forgotten. I had promised to spend it with her. She had promised too, albeit reluctantly. In fact I had almost forgetten it many times. Put it another way, i am running away from the fact that I remember it too many times for comfort. I had forgotten her telephone numbers, forgotten her address and maybe her voice. Pray she does not call me. More than once on the streets, I had seen her. Almost too often to be uncanny. I did not notice who was beside her al these time. I had not bothered.
Even since the day I saw her holding hands with this guy, I did not bother to keep her in memory anymore.
Had I forgotten her too fast? I do not know the answer to this. Because I had thought I had loved her deeply enough. Maybe pain will help one forget faster. haha I do not know. I do noe that I have very successful ways of coping with failures. With heartaches. perhaps. At that moment my world almost collapsed onto me.When I saw something that I thought could only happen in a nightmare. It just became real and presented itself larger than life in front of me. My heart was being taken away from me, stepped onto.. crushed.. stomped on and rolled over. I almost thought I couldnt sleep that night. Not wanting to go home to face the four walls and nags of my parents, I chose to seek solace in the solitary Bishan Park. After a few rounds that made my shirt cling onto my back with sweat, and many attempts at phonecalls to seek refuge in the voices of friends. I calmed down and started to see the brighter side of things.
Perhaps what was not meant to be was never meant to be. I had not intepreted wrongly the signals. But nature of man or i should say women is fickle. But i was no victim. Perhaps wheni was madly in it, i was a victim, but not now. Not after my heart was torn into a million pieces, i was not going to let my spirit end the same way. I was much bigger than that.
I slept peacefully that night, despite waking up with the same grippling disbelief. That somehow my life has been drastically altered. For bad or good unknown to me. BUt someone has been taken out of my life and I shall not seek any attempt to bring that person back in.
I had not sent any congratulatory messages or birthday wishes to her. Neither did she., I guess it doesnt matter anymore. Yes it is just a guess and just a thought. It is fine. My love shall be deposited at a safe till it has healed from this experience. Pin number 965 melts in your mouth not in your hands.