I just sent an sms to myself. Because the world is sleeping right now. I should be sleeping but my heart aches. A gnawing pain localized to the left side of my chest. The only tormentor might be just myself. With the room dark and air still, my senses are hyperactivated when they should be dull and diminished.
The evening I had watched a movie. It was a love story which was interrupted by the distrust and suspicions of the lead actor. He is helpless against his own emotions which took a life of their own. He created demons where there should not be and persecuted his most beloved. Yet it is not a straightforward storyline. There was fear from his love which prevented her from sharing her world with him.
He thought they were sharing the same world until her revelation proved him wrong. Something like A beautiful mind where Russell Crowe lived in a make believe world and put his trust so wholeheartedly in that fabrication that he could not get out of it despite being told the truth. The movie which I watched never reveal which world was real. His or hers. Or rather which one was fake.
In the show he had chanced upon a clandestine letter in her possession which promises tiring kisses and shared memories by a male friend. In that moment he wanted to seize possession of the letter, she had burnt it. In her defense, she claimed she was afraid he would overreact to a piece of unworthy letter written in jest by an acquintance. While she tried to bring him to the writer of the letter, there were no traces and nothing verifiable. In his mind he knows he should trust her. Yet objectively such circumstances are highly suspicious.
It is a parallel of life when viewing issues objectively, the result is hurtful. Yet the subjective would claim that the objective is being subjective because the views are dissimilar. Because of a fear of the male lead, his love left out bits and pieces of her life to him. She had come to be scared of his jealousy which might destroy which they have built together. Yet now when he seeks the truth, they are out of his reach. He fills in the gaps with his own deductions which are just deductions. The late nights out where she could not be reached. The convenient breakdown of her only form of communication during such late nights. Her recent revelations that there were matters she dare not open up to him. While innocent at first glance, to the one who wears colored lens, they stand out immediately.
While I am not fit to be a movie critic, I may do well to summarize the plot. Yet I may do so blindly because I view them through my eyes which is influenced by all that I am and all that has happened to me. Is there really an objective judge in the world? Even the most precise of all systems, the underlying principle is unpredictability. In quantum physics, the cutting edge of technology and the science of mankind, you may predict position accurately or velocity. Never two of them together correctly. The closer to the truth one is, the greater the deviation is the other one.
I have a poser. How shall they resolve this seed of doubt? Humiliating the girl by getting her to seek out the writer to clarify matters? In which case highlights the lack of trust due to her by her love. Or shall the protaganist put a stop to all this by not probing further? Yet the doubt remains to whether the letter was geniunely written as a nasty prank or as conveyance of intention in an affair? While he trusts her character, how can he let things rest when his mind could not let go? Well the scale may tip towards her, he has been hurt before in similar fashion. The ghosts would not rest.
So our man continues his search for an answer. Yet every clue he chance upon appears unfavourable. He knows that might just be the elephant phenomenon which 4 blind guys each felt different parts of the elephant. They never had the full picture of the enormous beast and hence came to understand that an elephant is a trunk, a rope, a nozzle and a sail respectively. There are characters in her world that utterly bewildered him. They were like shadows of another world, shapes he found familiar but couldnt recognise.
So to spare him the agony, should she tell him the truth? Because of all he had ever done for her deserve an answer to his quandary he is facing. So the whole story is about a tragedy. Is it the most tragic thing if what she said is really true but he had failed to be convinced. Or Saddest when she never tell him the truth ever? Or the inability to differentiate between the two?
Friday, February 27, 2009
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Travels
,
Every year during the holidays I will take time off to travel. I have been to Taiwan and China and I will be heading for Japan this coming december holidays.
When classes are out, there is plenty of time for personal pursuits and I find extra joy in combined community service with travelling.
For the last 3 decembers, I have been to Yunnan, China, a place of great poverty in China. In fact it is one of the poorest county in China. Because of the vast population in China, not everyone gets an equal chance in society. Many of the kids there do not have the chance to get even a secondary education.
1st year I went there I helped the farmers build a irrigation reservoir so that less work is needed on the farm. The children may then have more time to study. Then we spent a day at a local school teaching the children about the culture of Singapore.
2nd year I visited a rural boarding school. Their rooms were dilapidated. We made new beds for them. We spent about 8 days of our trip there working in a spacious workshop drilling and sawing planks and wood.
Last year we built a basketball court for the youths of ManMan Village. Hopefully that will keep their teenagers occupied and away from other more hazardous activities like biking.
Every year we would visit this Lepers' village. It is atop a mountain, a climb takes 1 hour. People with leprosy, a disease that degenerates your peripheral nerves, are left there for good. They are usually old and have some form of disability. You know they will never make it back to civilisation or home. What we do is to provide companionship and love for them.
Friday, February 20, 2009
Goodbye
I was never that close to my paternal grandma. So when I held the incense burner and her photo, it felt strange. It is like discovering a part of you which is so inherent and yet alien. She was someone I wished I could have gotten to know better. Yet I was glad that this distance made her passing bearable. When my maternal gran left me, I almost took 2 years to stop feeling sick. I conceal things well so the grief was not apparent.
I called out to her as instructed by the undertaker. Beware of the bridges, come home and bless your offsprings. It was a very natural thing, her passing away because she had been so old. Yet I still vividly remember the younger days when I was just a toddler or just growing up. Ageing begins exponentially once you go past a certain age. As a kid, you always looked forward to visiting your grandparents. I was no exception and really liked going to see her. The house was always so mystical and full of drawers and cupboards for me to explore.
Thursday night was sad. Because there were many people crying around me. We were too late to the hospital. A sort of lifelessness and paleness was there in the bed waiting for us. The veins no longer pulsate with each beat of the heart because there will no longer be any more contractions. The color had gone and while I held her hand, I was no longer holding any part of my grandmother. There was a tinge of sadness, a kind of sourness that made my eyes sting. No tears. But my heart broke at the sound of the wailings around me. Sadness can be perfectly conveyed through desolate sobs.
I felt sad because I was never her favourite. I was never the closest to her in the family. The yearly chinese new year visits had ceased. Though I made one or two trips to check out how she was, they were more of an obligation to my dad. yes I was fulfiling an obligation. Yet it was still an act of love. because I knew and understood how he felt. How painful it is to lose one's closest. I made sure while my dad cannot walk the final distance with his mother, I represented him. The prayers and joss sticks were duly offered. The kowtows and offerings of vegetarian food were made. I am sorry that I felt the sorrow as a channel and not the vessel. Because I knew it hurts to have so much love and still ultimately lose it. I dare not love her.
A strange thought came to me at the funeral. Looking around, most of the family are older than me. How many of their departures must I witness before I cease to be? Indeed to be human is to be suffering. While someone optimistically put it : when you enter this world, you are crying and everyone is smiling. When you leave, you are smiling and everyone else is crying. He forgot the grief and hopelessness often present during the final goodbye. Do we gain emotional freedom by not loving? No attachment to anything tangible. To want to ease suffering only because it is the right thing to do and not because you want to?
I called out to her as instructed by the undertaker. Beware of the bridges, come home and bless your offsprings. It was a very natural thing, her passing away because she had been so old. Yet I still vividly remember the younger days when I was just a toddler or just growing up. Ageing begins exponentially once you go past a certain age. As a kid, you always looked forward to visiting your grandparents. I was no exception and really liked going to see her. The house was always so mystical and full of drawers and cupboards for me to explore.
Thursday night was sad. Because there were many people crying around me. We were too late to the hospital. A sort of lifelessness and paleness was there in the bed waiting for us. The veins no longer pulsate with each beat of the heart because there will no longer be any more contractions. The color had gone and while I held her hand, I was no longer holding any part of my grandmother. There was a tinge of sadness, a kind of sourness that made my eyes sting. No tears. But my heart broke at the sound of the wailings around me. Sadness can be perfectly conveyed through desolate sobs.
I felt sad because I was never her favourite. I was never the closest to her in the family. The yearly chinese new year visits had ceased. Though I made one or two trips to check out how she was, they were more of an obligation to my dad. yes I was fulfiling an obligation. Yet it was still an act of love. because I knew and understood how he felt. How painful it is to lose one's closest. I made sure while my dad cannot walk the final distance with his mother, I represented him. The prayers and joss sticks were duly offered. The kowtows and offerings of vegetarian food were made. I am sorry that I felt the sorrow as a channel and not the vessel. Because I knew it hurts to have so much love and still ultimately lose it. I dare not love her.
A strange thought came to me at the funeral. Looking around, most of the family are older than me. How many of their departures must I witness before I cease to be? Indeed to be human is to be suffering. While someone optimistically put it : when you enter this world, you are crying and everyone is smiling. When you leave, you are smiling and everyone else is crying. He forgot the grief and hopelessness often present during the final goodbye. Do we gain emotional freedom by not loving? No attachment to anything tangible. To want to ease suffering only because it is the right thing to do and not because you want to?
Thursday, February 19, 2009
CRAP
this is a really bizzare dream that I had. it was about a naked kid in the middle of this blue room. The paint was still wet and there are tins of paints with splashes at the side. The kid took a step forward towards the door when suddenly an earthquake occured and the walls tumbled onto him. He drowned in the paint while getting every single bone crushed by the crumbling walls. Of coz such an absurb story as the above was never what I dreamt about. so here is the one yesterday. it was during the one hour of sleep I managed to grab before I headed to TTSH. I had somehow managed to obtain a very powerful and magical object which grants wishes. I wished for my cousin to still be alive. All of a sudden, he walked in and I seem to recognise him to be at the age of 15. His two sisters appeared as well. The sense of relief and exultation was incredible. I was never very closed to him but to see somehow come back from the dead is just like a wonderful dream. A god appear and it was actually his father. The god demanded I hand over the magic object to him and I knew if I did so, my cousin's revival would be shortlived. I made a run for it until I ran out of my dream. Then again just 10 minutes ago, after my afternoon nap, I had another strange dream. Of course this time round, people like qt or cl might actually think this to be a very normal dream for me. I was facing my gf who seemed to be very cold and distant. Perhaps I was feeling lonely or was it arousal, I requested for a moment of intimacy. Perhaps that is when I would mind an eternity for a moment. However she was impassived and made no move towards me. Heartbrokened, I wriggled about like a plague-strickened worm. I continued to motion for her approach so that we can be closer in spirit and body but still the inanimated state remained in defiance. I was almost broken emotionally and I guess only physical touch can repair my soul. Of course that was just a dream or rather a nightmare. I always tell my friends that it is good and in fact wonderful to get intimate. Imagine a cheesecake. What if you are hungry and yet you know that you have nothing but a cheesecake which is stored in a fridge ten and hundreds of miles away from you. Even when you have transversed the distance to reach the fridge, you found it locked? You are just minutes away from dying and the only recipe for survival is so near yet so far. I think I am droning on and on endlessly because I am kinda feeling very shitty now. As in I feel like going toilet because the shit is up my ass. But anyway the right prescription for a relationship would ideally be 1 or 2 makeout or jogging sessions once a week.Which ever is better for the cardiovascular system. Worse come to worse, if there is no place and time, the bare minimum is once a month. No place no time? Find it man! If the couples are into morally defying stunts then go ahead by all means. They could certainly make do with the present the Pandas gave to B. I am so full of crap!
The above sounded so wrong .. I really had no idea what I was thinking when I typed it. haha Really groggy and I just went ahead and let my fingers work on their own.
I would love sundays as most couples do. This is the day where your gf visits your house and most importantly your bedroom. Someone who is very wise once told me( it was a voice in my head), once you have a girl in your room, never let her leave without any form of payment or gratification. I fully believed in that mantra. Which is perhaps why I never allowed my friends to come to my house. What if they enter my room? haha Just joking.
Just to supplement this whole piece of nonsense, and to revisit an old conversation I had with some of my close friends...
Guess i Shall not finish this today and now..
The above sounded so wrong .. I really had no idea what I was thinking when I typed it. haha Really groggy and I just went ahead and let my fingers work on their own.
I would love sundays as most couples do. This is the day where your gf visits your house and most importantly your bedroom. Someone who is very wise once told me( it was a voice in my head), once you have a girl in your room, never let her leave without any form of payment or gratification. I fully believed in that mantra. Which is perhaps why I never allowed my friends to come to my house. What if they enter my room? haha Just joking.
Just to supplement this whole piece of nonsense, and to revisit an old conversation I had with some of my close friends...
Guess i Shall not finish this today and now..
Sunday, February 08, 2009
Good or bad?
I know it is good. It feels good right? The movies say so, the books mention it, and even songs are making it look awesome. So what is wrong with sex? After all, it is an activity that actually will prolong your life. The cardiovascular workout during sex parallels that of intense sprinting. The emotions and sensations experienced are addictive even.
Yet when sex carried out before marriage is generally frowned upon. No one dares to talk about it openly, at least not in Singapore. The religions are clearly also not in favour of such intimacy before the wedding bells ring.
I tend to fall into the camp of the conservatives. Moral values are guidelines set to preserve the good of the general population. It is indeed moral not to engage in sex before marriage. After all, sex without the safeguards of marriage are not without disadvantages. Starting sex at an early age is a proven risk factor for cervical and prostate cancer. Mentally, the parties involved might not be mature enough. There is also the risk of sexually transmitted diseases. Even pregnancy is viewed as one by many teenage mothers.
Marriage generally comes when both parties are mature enough and have the financial ability to support a family. The reason for sex after marriage is the same. There is also the emotional baggage. Some notable headlines are hogged by jealous jilted lovers who expose the sexual details of a relationship after a breakup. It can lead to embarrassment and castigation for the victim. The aunties at the market never stop talking about it. It even japordizes future relationships.
No protection is ever 100%. Becoming pregnant before marriage has become a common parody on serial dramas. That is because the drawbacks are obvious.9 months of pregnancy from 90 minutes of pleasure. The unwed mother has to juggle work and baby while bearing the stigma associated from being one. Somehow the guy always disappears. It will all be well and good if the guy takes responsibility, unless he is mentally or financially uncapable of supporting a family which is usually the case.
Abortion leaves behind mental and physical scars. Not to mention that it conflicts with virtually all known religions. Yes, including scientology.
Lastly, sex after marriage is good. Heavenly even. After all, saving the best for the last makes it really tantalizing. It might even strengthen a relationship knowing that both parties have saved themselves for each other. The converse might be true also.
Well, you can even plan for it after marriage. It is known as family planning. No one casts weird glance at you when you talk about family planning. So forget about the one night stands and giving in to your boyfriend's demands. If he really loves you, he will wait for you.
Yet when sex carried out before marriage is generally frowned upon. No one dares to talk about it openly, at least not in Singapore. The religions are clearly also not in favour of such intimacy before the wedding bells ring.
I tend to fall into the camp of the conservatives. Moral values are guidelines set to preserve the good of the general population. It is indeed moral not to engage in sex before marriage. After all, sex without the safeguards of marriage are not without disadvantages. Starting sex at an early age is a proven risk factor for cervical and prostate cancer. Mentally, the parties involved might not be mature enough. There is also the risk of sexually transmitted diseases. Even pregnancy is viewed as one by many teenage mothers.
Marriage generally comes when both parties are mature enough and have the financial ability to support a family. The reason for sex after marriage is the same. There is also the emotional baggage. Some notable headlines are hogged by jealous jilted lovers who expose the sexual details of a relationship after a breakup. It can lead to embarrassment and castigation for the victim. The aunties at the market never stop talking about it. It even japordizes future relationships.
No protection is ever 100%. Becoming pregnant before marriage has become a common parody on serial dramas. That is because the drawbacks are obvious.9 months of pregnancy from 90 minutes of pleasure. The unwed mother has to juggle work and baby while bearing the stigma associated from being one. Somehow the guy always disappears. It will all be well and good if the guy takes responsibility, unless he is mentally or financially uncapable of supporting a family which is usually the case.
Abortion leaves behind mental and physical scars. Not to mention that it conflicts with virtually all known religions. Yes, including scientology.
Lastly, sex after marriage is good. Heavenly even. After all, saving the best for the last makes it really tantalizing. It might even strengthen a relationship knowing that both parties have saved themselves for each other. The converse might be true also.
Well, you can even plan for it after marriage. It is known as family planning. No one casts weird glance at you when you talk about family planning. So forget about the one night stands and giving in to your boyfriend's demands. If he really loves you, he will wait for you.
Saturday, February 07, 2009
Recovery
I spent Thursday night and Friday morning waiting for a call I hope would either never come or just come as quickly as possible. It would be the call that announced the passing away of my grandmother. The doctors did not give her much of a chance after she was warded for respiratory failure. Her carbon dioxide was escalating and she could not breathe properly. I received the news stoically. It was with a certain sense of inevitability that the whole family took the news. There were not many red eyes, though I think that would come later. As of now, her will to live overcame her ailing lungs and I really hope she pulls through it. With a suspected pneumonia that could be the precipitating cause of her breathing difficulties, and now she has fought to gain more time, she could win the battle against the pneumonia. She was in a stupor on thurday due to the excessive carbon dioxide buildup, but today when I visited her she recognized me.
Life can just change in that split second. Earlier this month, the rest of the family were planning to celebrate her 92nd birthday. The sms reminder was sent to my dad's phone. On thursday, a crying cousin called me to say that my gran could not make it. Just today, I phoned home and told my parents that things are looking decidedly brighter. Clear her lungs and she would be able to breathe properly on her own again. Right now, she is on BiPAP. I was certainly never very close to my gran. After all she had given up the privilege to take care of me when I was young. Most of the other grandchildren were left with her so that their parents could work. However I still held her hand today and reassured her that she would get well. I will take her out for a meal once she gets out of hospital.
Sometimes it can be scary taking responsibility. Now most of my relatives look to me as the representatives of my family. No longer my ageing parents. In a sense maybe my parents do that sometimes. I really do not like the waiting while my gran was comatose. I along with the rest had thought or were thinking when would she breathe her last gasp of air. In recent years, apart from the lessons and postings in the hospitals, I have been visiting them more regularly than I would have liked. There were my dad's stroke, my ahma's final days, my dad's hematemesis and his scheduled trips to the gastroenterologist. I took had to get medications for my mum and dad. Now my gran is also stuck there and that was apart from a few other hospitalisations last few years. CGH, TTSH, NUH. Maybe AH and IMH and I have a complete grandslam already.
Still I pretend to be in control. I speak and the rest of the family would listen. I explained to them the situation and they understood and were grateful. I would monitor my dad's medication and make sure he does not skip them at will. I force him for his biannual scans and pray for the best. I guess it is comes with growing up. I am already so old, so who else do they turn to? Sometimes that is why I like to travel. I just take care of myself and there is nothing I cannot do.
When I get homesick then I would just come home. Maybe that is why I go to Yunnan every year. Maybe that is why I really enjoyed the trip to KL and Japan. Even though I lost my wallet in KL, asking strangers for money was really exciting.
After all if I can take care of 3 people or 4 people, surely I can survive on my own. Go Japan, learn Japanese. With a medical degree, life cannot be too bad I guess. Taiwan is another good destination. Perhaps that thought stem from the fact that despite having all my friends in Singapore and having spent all my life here, I can get bored easily. Some afternoons or nights I would just feel lonely and clueless what should I do. Going to the movies was something I like to do. However now I just feel guilty that I am not studying instead.
Why do I put in so little effort in my studies? There is a reason I guess. Or should it be an excuse? Well, it does not really matter to me because I know in the end I will get the task done. At least that has been the case so far. Perhaps I am still trying to recover from some form of burn out. In the army, on top of my national duties, there were 7 to 9 tuitions per week. I had enjoyed it at that time. Perhaps I just had students who were more fun last time. Then in uni, I really wrecked myself by joining Judo, ODAC and Yunnan. Especially during the second year when I was captain of the club, Chairman of all the martial arts performance, and Yunnan comm. ALways in the background there were 6 to 8 tuitions. Even after giving up everything extra curricular last year, the tuitions stuck. Now when I have the time, I rather just slack.
So I shall stop here for today although I really have alot to say. Over the years, this has still remained my best listening ear. Good nightz. 3 competitions I had to force myself not to join.. a potential 10000 bucks gone. Vday contests are really popular in February and I wonder why. Just could not find anyone to join with me. I could surely do with a nice Goldheart necklace. Yah.. a nice necklace.
A nice necklace...
Just a footnote. If I had typed this on Thursday, my title would surely not have been recovery. Perhaps " The End" ?
Life can just change in that split second. Earlier this month, the rest of the family were planning to celebrate her 92nd birthday. The sms reminder was sent to my dad's phone. On thursday, a crying cousin called me to say that my gran could not make it. Just today, I phoned home and told my parents that things are looking decidedly brighter. Clear her lungs and she would be able to breathe properly on her own again. Right now, she is on BiPAP. I was certainly never very close to my gran. After all she had given up the privilege to take care of me when I was young. Most of the other grandchildren were left with her so that their parents could work. However I still held her hand today and reassured her that she would get well. I will take her out for a meal once she gets out of hospital.
Sometimes it can be scary taking responsibility. Now most of my relatives look to me as the representatives of my family. No longer my ageing parents. In a sense maybe my parents do that sometimes. I really do not like the waiting while my gran was comatose. I along with the rest had thought or were thinking when would she breathe her last gasp of air. In recent years, apart from the lessons and postings in the hospitals, I have been visiting them more regularly than I would have liked. There were my dad's stroke, my ahma's final days, my dad's hematemesis and his scheduled trips to the gastroenterologist. I took had to get medications for my mum and dad. Now my gran is also stuck there and that was apart from a few other hospitalisations last few years. CGH, TTSH, NUH. Maybe AH and IMH and I have a complete grandslam already.
Still I pretend to be in control. I speak and the rest of the family would listen. I explained to them the situation and they understood and were grateful. I would monitor my dad's medication and make sure he does not skip them at will. I force him for his biannual scans and pray for the best. I guess it is comes with growing up. I am already so old, so who else do they turn to? Sometimes that is why I like to travel. I just take care of myself and there is nothing I cannot do.
When I get homesick then I would just come home. Maybe that is why I go to Yunnan every year. Maybe that is why I really enjoyed the trip to KL and Japan. Even though I lost my wallet in KL, asking strangers for money was really exciting.
After all if I can take care of 3 people or 4 people, surely I can survive on my own. Go Japan, learn Japanese. With a medical degree, life cannot be too bad I guess. Taiwan is another good destination. Perhaps that thought stem from the fact that despite having all my friends in Singapore and having spent all my life here, I can get bored easily. Some afternoons or nights I would just feel lonely and clueless what should I do. Going to the movies was something I like to do. However now I just feel guilty that I am not studying instead.
Why do I put in so little effort in my studies? There is a reason I guess. Or should it be an excuse? Well, it does not really matter to me because I know in the end I will get the task done. At least that has been the case so far. Perhaps I am still trying to recover from some form of burn out. In the army, on top of my national duties, there were 7 to 9 tuitions per week. I had enjoyed it at that time. Perhaps I just had students who were more fun last time. Then in uni, I really wrecked myself by joining Judo, ODAC and Yunnan. Especially during the second year when I was captain of the club, Chairman of all the martial arts performance, and Yunnan comm. ALways in the background there were 6 to 8 tuitions. Even after giving up everything extra curricular last year, the tuitions stuck. Now when I have the time, I rather just slack.
So I shall stop here for today although I really have alot to say. Over the years, this has still remained my best listening ear. Good nightz. 3 competitions I had to force myself not to join.. a potential 10000 bucks gone. Vday contests are really popular in February and I wonder why. Just could not find anyone to join with me. I could surely do with a nice Goldheart necklace. Yah.. a nice necklace.
A nice necklace...
Just a footnote. If I had typed this on Thursday, my title would surely not have been recovery. Perhaps " The End" ?
Sunday, February 01, 2009
IT is high time I wrote something for my own blog.. but this is not it.
Rules (copy and paste from somewhere): once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. at the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. you have to tag the person who tagged you. if i tagged you, it’s because i want to know more about you!
1. It is already 6.05am and I have not slept for the whole night. I am listening to Olivia Ong and MayDay. This 25things about me is something I have been wanting to write for quite a long time but I always have not found the time.
2. I am probably not going to let any one know about the 25things about me by deliberately tagging them. I am just like that, as open as a book but you have got to take the initiative.
3. I miss my old friends alot. I have been wanting to catch up with many of them but never seem to be able to find the time. How I wish I can return to that day in 1995 in a certain Ngee Ann Primary School.
4. I am a typical gemini. There is goodness and evil in me. I enjoy the crowds and yet relish the loneliness. There is always two sides of me which are so contrasting.
5. So it is really all about me? Shall I continue with a psychoanalysis or should I just state really banal facts? I sometimes have spending urge. Bought a drama serial and 3 movies on friday.
6. I would love to travel the rest of my life away. I would like to experience life in a different and alien city. Meet new people and start a new life. Then when I gain familiarity, I would just move on.
7. Sometimes I like a sad love story. I like sad love songs. Perhaps the most beautiful things are not that are perfect. But those with regret.
8. A cockroach appeared on the wall. It is a small one and I went for it with a plastic wrapper. Thought I squashed it but it flew straight at me. Gave a war cry and frightened the damned cockroach. It is still around in my room.
9. My second ambition is to be a teacher. I really like talking to a large bunch of people and earning their respect and admiration.
10. I will treat old folks and poor people for free or at discounted rates next time. That is what my mother taught me. Blessed are those who can help others.
11. I would always donate money to old female beggars.
12. I watch movies alone alot. I like spontaneity. I can just go into a bookshop and read if I feel like it. Or when I was younger, head down to Hereens and spend the whole afternoon listening to music.
13. I make a very good boyfriend and husband because I think I know how to protect, care and love my other half. There is always an element of surprise or good fun when I am around.
14. I only write good things about myself. I know the bad stuff but I am too arrogant to let the whole world know.
15. I see the cockroach again. It is climbing up the wall again. Smack. Gotcha. Threw it out of the window.
16. I am really scared of death. Because I do not have a religious belief. It will just mean the end of everything I love and the end of my own existence. I used to have nightmares about dying. Cannot stay in the dark. I get panic attacks occasional still.
17. I miss my grandmother, my 1st uncle and my aunt. I was the first in the family to receive the news of death of two of them. I can never forget the moments.
18. I am scared of betrayals. Only when I am certain it is the right one then I will commit.
19. I have always wanted to learn music. Either the piano, guitar or singing. I cannot do any of them. Maybe that is why I like musically inclined girls. Especially with a sweet voice.
20. I still want to play judo. I would like to end my Judo career with a black belt and a senior gold medal. I have garnered a few golds and silvers and bronze along the way but I would love to do it all over again.
21. No one truly understands me because I present a different character to different people. That does not mean I am any less real. It is just me. I react to people. Then again that is how many people are like as well.
22. I value the substance of something, not the form. I can be really crass with my belongings because how they look does not really matter to me. I will seldom cry over lost stuff unless they are given to me by people I really care about.
23. I like to sing. In an alternate universe, I am a world famous superstar. Millions listen to me and it will just be a pleasure to sing for them.
24. I have plenty of good luck. ALmost everything happens sooner or later according to my wishes. SOmetimes it almost feel too good to be true. I attribute it to little things in life that I do like being , filial to parents, faithful to friends and giving up seats to old folks, pregnant ladies and really fat ladies.
25. I do not drink, flirt or smoke. I eat alot though. Sometimes I think I lead too holy a life. Perhaps I can go out to have a wild night at a pub or what but that is just not my type of life. I perfer to stay at home, retrospective and introspective at night.
1. It is already 6.05am and I have not slept for the whole night. I am listening to Olivia Ong and MayDay. This 25things about me is something I have been wanting to write for quite a long time but I always have not found the time.
2. I am probably not going to let any one know about the 25things about me by deliberately tagging them. I am just like that, as open as a book but you have got to take the initiative.
3. I miss my old friends alot. I have been wanting to catch up with many of them but never seem to be able to find the time. How I wish I can return to that day in 1995 in a certain Ngee Ann Primary School.
4. I am a typical gemini. There is goodness and evil in me. I enjoy the crowds and yet relish the loneliness. There is always two sides of me which are so contrasting.
5. So it is really all about me? Shall I continue with a psychoanalysis or should I just state really banal facts? I sometimes have spending urge. Bought a drama serial and 3 movies on friday.
6. I would love to travel the rest of my life away. I would like to experience life in a different and alien city. Meet new people and start a new life. Then when I gain familiarity, I would just move on.
7. Sometimes I like a sad love story. I like sad love songs. Perhaps the most beautiful things are not that are perfect. But those with regret.
8. A cockroach appeared on the wall. It is a small one and I went for it with a plastic wrapper. Thought I squashed it but it flew straight at me. Gave a war cry and frightened the damned cockroach. It is still around in my room.
9. My second ambition is to be a teacher. I really like talking to a large bunch of people and earning their respect and admiration.
10. I will treat old folks and poor people for free or at discounted rates next time. That is what my mother taught me. Blessed are those who can help others.
11. I would always donate money to old female beggars.
12. I watch movies alone alot. I like spontaneity. I can just go into a bookshop and read if I feel like it. Or when I was younger, head down to Hereens and spend the whole afternoon listening to music.
13. I make a very good boyfriend and husband because I think I know how to protect, care and love my other half. There is always an element of surprise or good fun when I am around.
14. I only write good things about myself. I know the bad stuff but I am too arrogant to let the whole world know.
15. I see the cockroach again. It is climbing up the wall again. Smack. Gotcha. Threw it out of the window.
16. I am really scared of death. Because I do not have a religious belief. It will just mean the end of everything I love and the end of my own existence. I used to have nightmares about dying. Cannot stay in the dark. I get panic attacks occasional still.
17. I miss my grandmother, my 1st uncle and my aunt. I was the first in the family to receive the news of death of two of them. I can never forget the moments.
18. I am scared of betrayals. Only when I am certain it is the right one then I will commit.
19. I have always wanted to learn music. Either the piano, guitar or singing. I cannot do any of them. Maybe that is why I like musically inclined girls. Especially with a sweet voice.
20. I still want to play judo. I would like to end my Judo career with a black belt and a senior gold medal. I have garnered a few golds and silvers and bronze along the way but I would love to do it all over again.
21. No one truly understands me because I present a different character to different people. That does not mean I am any less real. It is just me. I react to people. Then again that is how many people are like as well.
22. I value the substance of something, not the form. I can be really crass with my belongings because how they look does not really matter to me. I will seldom cry over lost stuff unless they are given to me by people I really care about.
23. I like to sing. In an alternate universe, I am a world famous superstar. Millions listen to me and it will just be a pleasure to sing for them.
24. I have plenty of good luck. ALmost everything happens sooner or later according to my wishes. SOmetimes it almost feel too good to be true. I attribute it to little things in life that I do like being , filial to parents, faithful to friends and giving up seats to old folks, pregnant ladies and really fat ladies.
25. I do not drink, flirt or smoke. I eat alot though. Sometimes I think I lead too holy a life. Perhaps I can go out to have a wild night at a pub or what but that is just not my type of life. I perfer to stay at home, retrospective and introspective at night.
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