One angel

Saw one angel. In the midst of so many commoners, the angel stood out in a way that her presence alone filled up all the space around her. I dare not look at her for fear it displeases her. Yet my eyes darted covertly over to her again and again. How marvelous is it to have an angel amongst us. There is a need for beauty. We have found beauty and charm on canvases and physical structures. Love crystalized by our hands. Artificial beauty. So why should we not have beauty from our own creators. In fact, nature's artform surpasses that of mankinds by many folds. Of which I have just witnessed one.

Victory!

I am going to win big time. I am confident. I am all geared up! My throws shall be lethal and I am not going to leave any space for my opponents to breathe! There will be some defending to be done. Obviously I have to be most cautious and play carefully to counter all of the hundred of kgs of mass.

Match Fitness - a boring piece

I am back to training seriously. Not as serious as before, after all serious training back then constitute of 3 judo training sessions, 2 cardiovascular sessions per week. Life was virtually just for judo. I still managed to squeeze in some other guilty pleasures of life into that cramped lifestyle. I did not take my studies seriously then.
Right now, perhaps training is more self motivated and nothing was forced against your will. I am quite tired now. Did not focus yesterday. I was trying to gain match fitness, but rather sacrificed the sharpness of my play. After I had grown to like reading and occasionally watching soccer, I realized that the principles are very much the same.
PLayers may be under performing even if they are an ensemble of the best and most well paid players in the world. Name hardly counts when you are down there sharing the same field as your opponent. In fact, thinking that your opponent is a pushover certainly can cause many teams to play to lose. I tend to make that mistake a lot.
Then we also must consider match fitness. Not many people understand how judoka works. It is a bit lonely. I was at a nadir at the beginning of this year. Even running 2.4km was a problem was me. Not so much now. I am on my way to regain that amount of stamina and endurance. Not now. It takes much longer and I can only wait and continue to try my best.
I am actually throwing people with my shoulder throw. I guess that is result of necessity. Everyone seems to be growing bigger while I am just the same as I was 5 years ago. I do have a wide repertoire of techniques at my expense. I can always find a technique to use in most unusual situations. But of course I must not be forced into such a situation in the first place.
This saturday is my competition. I wonder if I will win. I know and believe that I can be the best player around. In my weight and belt category, I am. Or so I think. But I must be cautious. I must focus and do my best. Play a mixture of defensive and aggressive Judo. Frustrate my opponents and then when they panick because they cannot seem to penetrate my denfense with their attacks, I will strike.
I can do counter throws quite effectively against heavy weight players. Or at least I think I can. Only two bouts to the gold medal. Not a very worthy one. Not much hard work but the challenge is still there. Because it is simple, I must be able to attain it. Maybe I will give my medal to other people. I have so often promised many people that I shall be winning medals like drinking water soon. And I will offer them the medals I have amassed.
Maybe I am proud or arrogant. But that just makes things more interesting doesn't it?

My weekend dreams

I was dreaming alot during the weekends. Now that a new week began, I was pulled down by the weight of reality. Guess I am just too weathered to really be bothered about the letdown of dreams. Just a little maybe.
I had not had such good dreams in a long while. I agree with Hitch: I just want to feel the pain because it is so painful and the only way to be happy. Or something to that extend. There is something called conditioning . Repeat it over a couple of times and the effect will be much reduced. Or the side effects.
It has been raining once in a while and then again and again. No really large downpour. Nothing serious to affect anything but your mood.
I dreamt about new people I had met. Dreamt about old friends. I even woke up partially to know that I can decide on my course of action in the dream. At least enough to make a conscious effort to make the moves I wanted to. Alas, dreams do not really allow you to dictate what happens. You are almost incoherent and your mind is just like a car on a highway. And there are just about a few hundred of other highways around, connected for no reasons, lead to places you do not know. In a very big place where highways are built over and beneath one another. So where do you go?
Truth is, I just realised, what happens outside of dreams is pretty much the same. Perhaps now you can really make things happen. But you end up in front of the computer and blogging away. Because lady fortune just happened to place her most favoured knight in your way. Tough luck. Not to mention the other incompatibilities that has nothing to do with your choosing but they just exist for other reasons that you do not need to understand.
I lapse into tongues again. Old habits die hard. It may be a good thing to be guarded though. I had enthusiatically obtained something from JH. Not that they will be much use after all. I know my chances when I stare at them right in the face in the beginning of the week. 4 more days. Today is almost over. My wits seem to have abandoned me totoally. I am always better with written words than spoken ones. How I rather that it were the other way round.
And so I bid my time. Staying inconspicuous and hoping that luck might just place what I want in my path.
Fair enough. Except I seemed to have forgotten that the path ahead of me is merely a few cms from the walls of the cubicle. Not much of a path I guess. So do I venture out? To be continued.

In a cubicle, with a computer.

I guess everything needs an excuse. I tried to do most of what I do with a reason. Those I can't find a reason for, I give excuses. Observation is very crucial, you must find the right opportunity to do the right thing. One second off, one gesture too many and things will just spiral out of your control. I realised that I often make my blogs cryptic. Because only the right person is allowed to know what I am thinking. Sometimes the right person do not even know what is on my mind.
Just had a meeting. Problems faced should be brought up and discussed openly during a meeting. Looking for solutions? Wrong place. It is just a good chance to confuse everyone. Until someone of the right mind decides that everyone just take an abritary solution for it. That is not too bad. That is a fact of life. What you cannot convince yourself that an approximation is good enough, you get the acknowledgment of those that it not only a good solution, it is the only solution, at the meeting.
I have got two packets of chocolate on my table. My two tutorials are canceled. Half day for the students. I am trying to find something to make myself look busy. When at first my plan had gone wrong and of course, plan B was just to wait it out and repeat plan A. As I said, the right opportunity! Alas. It seems to be rather evasion at the moment.
I thought I might have a promotion, phone calls came in a few times asking for the head of science. I must have made quite an impressive impression. Then I was told that they rewired the phone lines and all the lines were jumbled up. I still have to decide on what to show the students regarding the practical. When luck is with you, anything can happen. Of coz, fate usually enjoys a cruel twist. I was asked to find what is regression and extrapolation, and the line of best fit actually came up in my search for the answer. That mainly answered what I wanted to be answered. My friend was not satisfied though.

Lost once again in the forest of alphabets

It was one of the longest weekend. Time was in excess and my mind was a runaway. I had almost forgotten that time can pass in such a dreadfully creep. 4 months of abstinence from my blog, from the internet and all its tools of communication. Now I am back.
I shall come to the weekend part soon. Life doesn't seem much different without the internet. Books and the tv were my instrument in driving away boredom. I did managed to feel bored at times but these moments were soon turned to reflection and self searching. Not that such ponderance did me much good. I am still rather the same, stoned and unfeeling.
I had almost lived out of the web since my first contact with it 8 years ago. The bonds formed between me and those also snarled within the web were not lasting. Yet there were enough bonds at a time to hold me to it, bonds broken were just as quickly replaced. Some transcended the hardware and wires into real life. Most did not.
It has been a good week. The week before. The year in general came into an uneventful and neutral start. I have been upset many times but nothing serious that could shake me into prolonged frustration. Nothing that my perspective, once properly placed, could not see the transitory nature and insignificance of my problems.
I watched Hitch. It was pretty good for a Will Smith comedy. Friday night. Was alone. I almost had trouble deciding when was the last time I went to the theatre. Not too long ago maybe, but not as often as it used to be. My hands were freezing. I met a friend while snacking at Macs at Plaza Singapura. Then another in the theatres. I exchanged greetings with the first and chatted briefly. He updated me on some of my old friends' well being. Nothing has changed much. Some are still quite as quirky and have retained that warpy sense of humor.
The other friend I saw did not see me. I did not managed to catch his whole profile. We were together, within 2 metres of each other for a good 2 hours. I tried to catch his attention at first by staring at him. But the lighting was not that good....